I recently wrote a post about my painful experience with polyamory, and I described how I mistakenly mistook the “love bombing”, or “acts of love” for when I was in a situation of narcissistic abusiveness. Nancy Aronie asked me, after I read it to her in my Memoir As Medicine online course, “How do you know the difference?” I then wrote about what I learned about the differences between a healthy, well-boundaried love, and red flags that can be used to indicate narcissistic abusive behavior.
What is love-bombing? The Cleveland Clinic defines love bombing as psychological and emotional abuse that is often disguised as excess flattery. It involves someone going above and beyond to try and manipulate you into being in a relationship. The signs are different for everyone, but they usually include excessive flattery, praise, and over-communication about their feelings towards you. They may also shower you with unwanted gifts or make premature and intense discussions about your relationship.
The love bombing process usually occurs in three phases: the idealization phase where you are swept away by something too good to believe, then the devaluation stage, when you relax and let go of your guard, and you start to enjoy the relationship. But, soon, other red flags like controlling and narcissistic behavior will appear, such as limiting your access to friends and family or being abusive when you don’t follow their instructions or if they find out that you disagree with them. You may find that the love bomber disappears if you set boundaries and hold them accountable for their behavior. They may revert back to the idealization stage and Hoover you into more love-bombing, until you relax.
It’s much easier to recognize love bombing the second time around, once you’ve been a victim at least once. You’ll know what to look for and won’t be tempted to bite. Here are some tips to help you distinguish between the two.
- Real love develops over time. Real love is not a rush of emotions and pressure. Love at first glance is not love. It’s lust. It’s attraction. It’s chemistry. It’s hormones. It’s a boundaryless fusion and enmeshment. It’s a spellbinding intoxication. It’s not true love. Love is a slow, gradual, and long process that begins with getting to know someone in an intimate way, which can be messy and awkward. Love bombers are like a firehose that you can’t take in. True love is delivered slowly, patiently and with as little as you can handle.
- Knowing and appreciating a person’s uniqueness is the foundation for kind, cherished words. Love bombing and flattery are just fluff. To truly cherish someone, you need to be able to understand them. Love bombing tends to be superficial. Love bombing is like eating cotton candy to boost your ego, while cherishing love’s appreciativeness is a nutritious meal that is deeply satisfying. You may feel good at the time, but it will leave you with a stomach ache.
- Love is resilient. Love bombing can be fragile. It is built on one imperfection or mistake, one rupture in the connection and one apology. When you make your very first mistake, love bombing usually stops.
- Love bombers are spies with a secret agenda. Love bombers have a hidden agenda. People who really love you are your allies for your autonomy, agency, authenticity, truth, boundaries, “NO”, your right not to accommodate another’s agenda and your right stand up for your own interests.
- You must earn trust. A truly loving relationship is built slowly, risk by risk. Love bombing is a way to get you to give someone your full trust when they have not earned it.
- Love is a slow burning. The flames of love bombing are bright, but they burn out. Love bombing begins nuclear, but then fizzles.
- Love is like the sweet nectar of a tasty fruit. The fake flattery and manipulation of love bombing will make you feel sick, but the sweetness of the fruit is much sweeter. Love bombers are ooze with sticky, sweet, icky goodness. Real love is measured, reserved and boundaried – until it matures to something deeper. Love bombing is like fast food. True love is a nutritious, healthy meal.
- Love bombing is an ego-driven act. Love bombing is a pure ego hit. Love bombing temporarily anesthetizes pain, but in the end it sticks needles into your wounds. As secure attachment grows, love helps you heal your wounds as our parts are seen, heard, accepted and integrated into our imperfect humanity.
- Love is unconditional; love bombing is not. Love bombing is a form of approval and praise that’s very conditional. You are valued as long as you accommodate and appease the love bomber. You’re a scumbag the moment you try to thwart a love bomber. True love acknowledges you unconditionally and values your worth, even if the person you love doesn’t always agree.
- Love bombers might try to buy your love. Love bombers may try to buy you. These gifts aren’t given out of love, but to manipulate you, take advantage of your connections, boost their career, earn money, or gain your loyalty. True love is reciprocal and fair. It’s a two-way road without calculating scores. Two people are generous in ways that they can afford. Love bombers are generous at first, but become stingy with time.
- Love bombers target you and do research on you to manipulate you. People who love you spend time getting to know you and for the right reasons. Love bombers take advantage of your vulnerabilities and desires and try to satisfy them superficially. Real love will never take advantage of your vulnerability or exploit your longing.
- Love bombers make it extra special. The real love you share is already special, but some people will try to spiritualize it in order to make it appear more special. Love bombers don’t have to tell you that you are twin flames, soulmates or were destined by God to be together to make it seem more special.
It’s difficult to stop seeing the love bombing once you spot it early in a relationship. It’s difficult to resist the temptation of biting into the hook, even when you’ve spotted it. The love bombing is so good until it’s not. Once you understand how this type of narcissistic abuse and manipulation ends, you will be able to avoid the fake flattery.
The original post, 12 Differences Between Real Love & Love Bombing appeared first on Lissa Rankin.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 Alternative medical systems?
Ayurveda is a system of alternative medicine that includes acupuncture, Ayurveda homeopathy, energy-healing, and aromatherapy.
Acupuncture involves inserting fine needles into specific points of the body to stimulate the flow (qi) of energy throughout the entire body.
Ayurvedic Medicine, an ancient system of health-care, focuses on the balance of the three elements: fire, air, and water. It includes diet, exercise as well as herbal remedies, massage and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine derives its name from the Greek homoios which means similarity and pathos which denotes disease. Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They prescribe small doses of substances to treat symptoms similar to those that are experienced when a person is ill.
Energy Healing can also be known by the names Reiki, EFT Rolfing and Therapeutic Touch. This therapy draws on the belief that we are each connected to a universal life force called Ki. We feel better when this Ki flows freely through our bodies. Energy healers use touch or intention to restore harmony between our spiritual, emotional, and physical selves.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils from plants to treat ailments. Aromatherapists believe that certain smells can affect mood and behavior. Lavender is one of the most used essential oils in aromatherapy.
What is Alternative Medicine, and how can it help you?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It encourages consumers to become educated and active in improving their well-being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
What are some of the benefits of complementary or alternative medicine?
Complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) is an umbrella term for medical practices used by people who believe they are not getting adequate help from allopathic medicine. These include herbal medicines, mind-body therapies such as acupuncture, massage therapy, homeopathy, chiropractic care, traditional Chinese medicine, biofeedback, hypnosis, and spiritual healing. Because they are not compatible with conventional medicine’s treatment and diagnosis, CAM practitioners may use alternative treatments. However, many CAM therapies also incorporate elements of conventional medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies are effective in pain relief, stress management and relaxation. These CAM therapies can also increase your overall well-being and decrease fatigue. Some CAM therapies treat specific conditions, such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Other CAM treatments may be just as enjoyable.
There is no single definition of what constitutes CAM; however, most definitions include at least one of the following:
- An holistic view that considers body, mind and environment.
- The belief that the mind and body interact and influence each other
- The belief that illness is due in part to an imbalance between the individual (and his/her environment)
- The whole person is treated, not just the symptoms
- Combination between Eastern philosophy and Western science
- Methods that treat mind, body, spirit in a holistic way
- Natural products are better than synthetic chemicals
- Healing touch
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
There are potential risks to certain CAM therapies, in addition to the potential benefits. Incorrectly used, certain CAM therapies could cause serious harm and even death. Others pose potential side effects that must be weighed against their perceived benefits. Talk to your doctor if you are thinking about using any CAM before deciding whether to go ahead.
What are the benefits of alternative treatment methods for cancer patients?
Patients with cancer face many difficulties when trying to manage their illness. Many patients feel defeated and hopeless. Patients may feel pain, nausea or fatigue. They might also experience loss of strength, lack of appetite, or feeling helpless.
A majority of conventional treatments are ineffective against cancer cells. It is important that cancer patients look for alternative therapies, such a complementary medicine. Nearly half of cancer patients use alternative medicines at some point during treatment, according to studies.
Patients with cancer may choose to receive complementary medicine rather than chemotherapy. They believe that it is easier to manage side effects. Also, they may prefer it because it costs less.
The following are other reasons:
Some patients believe that natural remedies can help prevent a recurrence.
Many people believe natural remedies are a way to improve your quality of life.
Others believe natural remedies could reduce your chance of developing cancer.
People concerned about possible side effects of chemotherapy use natural remedies as first-line therapy.
What are alternative medicines?
Alternative medicine is a treatment that does not fit the criteria of mainstream medicine. These include traditional Chinese medicine, homeopathy, chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal medicines, nutritional therapy, and energy healing techniques such as reiki.
Alternative medicine may also refer not to scientific evidence but that have been successfully used in clinical practice. You can use meditation, hypnosis and yoga to achieve this.
Is holistic health care equivalent to alternative medicine?
Holistic Health Care is different than Alternative Medicine because it addresses the whole person rather than just symptoms.
Holistic Health Care examines all aspects a person’s health including the mental, emotional, spiritual and occupational factors as well as family factors.
Alternative Medicine does nothing to address these issues. Alternative Medicine focuses on the body, mind and emotions.
What is the importance of alternative medicine?
Alternative medicines are very popular because they’re often cheaper and better for you than traditional treatments. Many patients have died due to side effects or allergic reactions after using these treatments. It’s also possible that certain alternative therapies may not help at all.
In addition, alternative medicines can be dangerous if you don’t know enough about them to choose the right ones. Vitamin supplements, for example, are not regulated like pharmaceuticals. It is easy to overdose on vitamins. Other remedies, however, can be toxic.
Statistics
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to a 2005 book by a US [116]Institute of Medicine panel, the number of RCTs focused on CAM has risen dramatically. (en.wikipedia.org)
- The concept of regression toward the mean implies that an extreme result is more likely to be followed by a less extreme result. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
webmd.com
doi.org
liebertpub.com
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The Rise and Rise of Complementary and Alternative Medicine: A Sociological Perspective – PubMed
- PubMed: Holistic medicine – PubMed
How To
How To Deal With My Girlfriend Trusting Alternative Medicine?
The internet offers guidance for those caring for a loved one with a mental illness. It is difficult to find information about alternative medicine for someone you love.
There appears to be a significant divide between the groups. There is a wide range of opinions on conventional medicine.
What happens when you meet someone who believes that there are alternative treatments to mental health problems?
Perhaps you feel confused or frustrated, because you don’t know how to react. So what do you say to your partner when he tells you he wants to go to an acupuncturist instead of his doctor? Or when she suggests she would rather eat glutenfree than take antidepressants.
It is important to ask questions. It can save you a lot of pain later.
How can you ask him these difficult questions without making it offensive? What if the man says he doesn’t trust doctors. Do you tell him he shouldn’t trust anyone?
Or, what if she tells you that she believes antidepressants don’t work? Should you tell her that she’s wrong?
This is where the conversation gets tricky. You may upset her even further if you point out that she’s wrong.
Or, you can suggest she sees a psychiatrist. This may create more problems than it solves. You might be angry with her for suggesting it. You might be trying to control your life, but she might get angry at you.
What should you do?
–
——————————————————————————————————————————————
This blog is a source of general information and discussion on health and related topics. Information and materials on this blog, on the website, or in any of the connected materials are not intended to replace or used as a substitute for the advice of a medical professional, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not represent the application of any nursing, medical or other health professional advice or diagnosis. We are unable to diagnose health conditions, offer second opinions or provide specific treatment recommendations via this blog or on our website.
If you or another person is suffering from a medical issue and you are concerned, consult your doctor or seek out other medical professional treatment as soon as possible. Do not disregard medical advice from a professional or delay seeking it due to information you seen on the blog or website or in any of the linked materials. If you’re experiencing an emergency medical situation, dial 911 or seek emergency medical assistance on the closest phone immediately.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
By: Karoline
Title: 12 Differences Between Real Love & “Love Bombing”
Sourced From: lissarankin.com/12-differences-between-real-love-love-bombing/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=12-differences-between-real-love-love-bombing
Published Date: Thu, 06 Jul 2023 05:11:51 +0000
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 Alternative medical systems?
Ayurveda is a system of alternative medicine that includes acupuncture, Ayurveda homeopathy, energy-healing, and aromatherapy.
Acupuncture involves inserting fine needles into specific points of the body to stimulate the flow (qi) of energy throughout the entire body.
Ayurvedic Medicine, an ancient system of health-care, focuses on the balance of the three elements: fire, air, and water. It includes diet, exercise as well as herbal remedies, massage and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine derives its name from the Greek homoios which means similarity and pathos which denotes disease. Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They prescribe small doses of substances to treat symptoms similar to those that are experienced when a person is ill.
Energy Healing can also be known by the names Reiki, EFT Rolfing and Therapeutic Touch. This therapy draws on the belief that we are each connected to a universal life force called Ki. We feel better when this Ki flows freely through our bodies. Energy healers use touch or intention to restore harmony between our spiritual, emotional, and physical selves.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils from plants to treat ailments. Aromatherapists believe that certain smells can affect mood and behavior. Lavender is one of the most used essential oils in aromatherapy.
What is Alternative Medicine, and how can it help you?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It encourages consumers to become educated and active in improving their well-being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
What are some of the benefits of complementary or alternative medicine?
Complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) is an umbrella term for medical practices used by people who believe they are not getting adequate help from allopathic medicine. These include herbal medicines, mind-body therapies such as acupuncture, massage therapy, homeopathy, chiropractic care, traditional Chinese medicine, biofeedback, hypnosis, and spiritual healing. Because they are not compatible with conventional medicine’s treatment and diagnosis, CAM practitioners may use alternative treatments. However, many CAM therapies also incorporate elements of conventional medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies are effective in pain relief, stress management and relaxation. These CAM therapies can also increase your overall well-being and decrease fatigue. Some CAM therapies treat specific conditions, such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Other CAM treatments may be just as enjoyable.
There is no single definition of what constitutes CAM; however, most definitions include at least one of the following:
- An holistic view that considers body, mind and environment.
- The belief that the mind and body interact and influence each other
- The belief that illness is due in part to an imbalance between the individual (and his/her environment)
- The whole person is treated, not just the symptoms
- Combination between Eastern philosophy and Western science
- Methods that treat mind, body, spirit in a holistic way
- Natural products are better than synthetic chemicals
- Healing touch
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
There are potential risks to certain CAM therapies, in addition to the potential benefits. Incorrectly used, certain CAM therapies could cause serious harm and even death. Others pose potential side effects that must be weighed against their perceived benefits. Talk to your doctor if you are thinking about using any CAM before deciding whether to go ahead.
What are the benefits of alternative treatment methods for cancer patients?
Patients with cancer face many difficulties when trying to manage their illness. Many patients feel defeated and hopeless. Patients may feel pain, nausea or fatigue. They might also experience loss of strength, lack of appetite, or feeling helpless.
A majority of conventional treatments are ineffective against cancer cells. It is important that cancer patients look for alternative therapies, such a complementary medicine. Nearly half of cancer patients use alternative medicines at some point during treatment, according to studies.
Patients with cancer may choose to receive complementary medicine rather than chemotherapy. They believe that it is easier to manage side effects. Also, they may prefer it because it costs less.
The following are other reasons:
Some patients believe that natural remedies can help prevent a recurrence.
Many people believe natural remedies are a way to improve your quality of life.
Others believe natural remedies could reduce your chance of developing cancer.
People concerned about possible side effects of chemotherapy use natural remedies as first-line therapy.
What are alternative medicines?
Alternative medicine is a treatment that does not fit the criteria of mainstream medicine. These include traditional Chinese medicine, homeopathy, chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal medicines, nutritional therapy, and energy healing techniques such as reiki.
Alternative medicine may also refer not to scientific evidence but that have been successfully used in clinical practice. You can use meditation, hypnosis and yoga to achieve this.
Is holistic health care equivalent to alternative medicine?
Holistic Health Care is different than Alternative Medicine because it addresses the whole person rather than just symptoms.
Holistic Health Care examines all aspects a person’s health including the mental, emotional, spiritual and occupational factors as well as family factors.
Alternative Medicine does nothing to address these issues. Alternative Medicine focuses on the body, mind and emotions.
What is the importance of alternative medicine?
Alternative medicines are very popular because they’re often cheaper and better for you than traditional treatments. Many patients have died due to side effects or allergic reactions after using these treatments. It’s also possible that certain alternative therapies may not help at all.
In addition, alternative medicines can be dangerous if you don’t know enough about them to choose the right ones. Vitamin supplements, for example, are not regulated like pharmaceuticals. It is easy to overdose on vitamins. Other remedies, however, can be toxic.
Statistics
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to a 2005 book by a US [116]Institute of Medicine panel, the number of RCTs focused on CAM has risen dramatically. (en.wikipedia.org)
- The concept of regression toward the mean implies that an extreme result is more likely to be followed by a less extreme result. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
webmd.com
doi.org
liebertpub.com
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The Rise and Rise of Complementary and Alternative Medicine: A Sociological Perspective – PubMed
- PubMed: Holistic medicine – PubMed
How To
How To Deal With My Girlfriend Trusting Alternative Medicine?
The internet offers guidance for those caring for a loved one with a mental illness. It is difficult to find information about alternative medicine for someone you love.
There appears to be a significant divide between the groups. There is a wide range of opinions on conventional medicine.
What happens when you meet someone who believes that there are alternative treatments to mental health problems?
Perhaps you feel confused or frustrated, because you don’t know how to react. So what do you say to your partner when he tells you he wants to go to an acupuncturist instead of his doctor? Or when she suggests she would rather eat glutenfree than take antidepressants.
It is important to ask questions. It can save you a lot of pain later.
How can you ask him these difficult questions without making it offensive? What if the man says he doesn’t trust doctors. Do you tell him he shouldn’t trust anyone?
Or, what if she tells you that she believes antidepressants don’t work? Should you tell her that she’s wrong?
This is where the conversation gets tricky. You may upset her even further if you point out that she’s wrong.
Or, you can suggest she sees a psychiatrist. This may create more problems than it solves. You might be angry with her for suggesting it. You might be trying to control your life, but she might get angry at you.
What should you do?
Leave a Reply