Are You Or A Loved One Dissociating And You Don’t Realize It

Mira Klein's Art

As I prepare to teach a course called Becoming Unfuckwithable : Finding Your Sacred ‘No' So Your Yes is a “Hell Yeah,” , as part of developing curriculum for this class, I have been pondering the question what makes people “fuckwithable”.

As I have worked with clients and patients over the years, I've noticed that Complex-PTSD, along with the dissociation it causes, can be a risk for being f'ed frequently. It's also dose-dependent. The greater the dissociation the higher the risk.

Why? When you are checked out, it means you don't feel protective emotions like fear, which can help you recognize dangerous people, or anger, which will make you set boundaries. When you dissociate, you are in a suggestible trance and may even experience memory loss. You don't know how someone could be grooming or exploiting or seducing to do things that you wouldn't say yes to otherwise. You are more vulnerable to sociopathic or narcissistic individuals, who may even seek out those who dissociate.

I have been researching dissociative disorders, coercive controls, child abuse and long-term effects. I've just finished reading Joanne Twombly, IFS therapist and trauma & dissociation informed Internal Family Systems by Joanne Twombly. The list of common dissociative symptoms in Dr. Steinberg’s book was particularly impactful. It ranged from everyday dissociation, like daydreaming and spacing out, to severe dissociation such as amnesia or float above your body.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

“When I am absorbed in a great book, I completely lose track of time.”
“My mind wanders and I go in-and-out.” I go to myself. There is nowhere, but there is no place .”.
I have difficulty remembering what I say in a presentation once I've given it.
I was with my mother at the time, but it was all unreal. I knew that she was my mom, but I had the feeling she wasn't my real mother .”
“I am like a filter. Who I am at any given time depends on the input and output. I don't always feel connected to myself .”
“I'm not sure if I feel real or if it's just automatic.”
“I often feel like a woman, but other times I'm more of a man.”
It's like watching an entire movie in my mind. Like when you watch a movie, you become absorbed by the story. You forget where you are and what time it's at.
I can lose myself when I am so concerned with what others think of me, or expect from me, that I get lost. I lose me.”
“I could not remember if it was real or a dream.”
It's like shell-shock, you know you're doing things, but it feels as if someone else is doing them. You are watching yourself from afar. Isn't that how everyone feels sometimes ?”
“I feel as if I'm not myself, but rather like another person.”
The emotional side of me shuts down under stress. Under stress, my emotional side shuts down. .”
I feel out of control. A powerful emotion ishes over me. I have the feeling that she will do whatever she wants, and I am in a corner waiting helplessly to see what happens .”
“I behave differently with different people.”

What is dissociation?

Dissociation can be defined using psychiatric terminology by the following core symptoms:

Amnesia : Forgetfulness or loss of memory, especially when triggered by traumatic experiences.
Depersonalization : A feeling that you are floating above yourself and observing your life from a distance. This is often encouraged by meditation teachers, who encourage their students to dissociate. Feeling alien or robotic, detached from yourself and your thoughts, the feeling that you are observing your own life as a stranger
Derealization : A sense of disconnection from the environment, or that it is not what it appears to be, or that your surroundings are unreal. It is a feeling that your life is a bit dreamy and ungrounded.
Confidence confusion: Ongoing struggle and inner conflict over who you are. Confusion about morality, gender or sexual identity, religious identity etc. Identity confusion during adolescence is common, but it can also be caused by dissociation during adulthood.
Identity Alteration A significant change in personality or role, often accompanied by a shift in voice, mannerisms or changing names. This can happen without your consent. It can happen when a person joins a cult, or is under the control of a narcissist.

Although mild versions of the five core symptoms of dissociative disorder can occur to anyone, people with dissociative disorders tend to experience them more often. You can use the quizzes to determine whether your symptoms are moderate or severe. They are based on the diagnostic SCID D test developed by Dr. Steinberg, and are used (though not often enough) by mainstream psychiatrists.

The range of dissociative symptoms

We've all heard of the extreme cases of dissociation- the Multiple Personality Disorders (now called Dissociative Identity Disorders) typified by movies like Sybil (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybil_(1976_film) and The Three Faces of Eve (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Faces_of_Eve). Dissociation is a spectrum. Dissociation is a spectrum. Only a small fraction of dissociators meet the DSM-V criteria.

We all dissociate when we let our minds wander, or drive on autopilot to our destination and arrive without being aware of how we arrived. Dissociation can be consciously chosen when we indulge in escapism, such as reading fiction, watching Netflix on a binge, using consciousness-altering substances like marijuana or alcohol, practicing transcendent forms meditation, or when we are in flow states.

Voluntary Dissociation is not the same as involuntary, which can be a symptom of trauma and occurs on autopilot or by default. You may voluntarily dissociate when you are totally immersed in a 3D movie. When you involuntarily disconnect, it's as if a switch is flipped and you detach and disconnect from your sensory experiences, thoughts, sense of self and body, awareness of time and place, identity, sense that you are a part of the world, personal history, memories, and your sense of belonging. Dissociation affects your identity, memory and emotions. It also impacts your self-awareness. Its opposite could be described as a wholeness that is alive and present with awareness, emotion, embodiment, feelings, intact critical reasoning, a strong identity, and a healthy weave between different aspects of one's being.

If you have ever had an out-of-body experience, such as a near-death experience, a feeling of floating above your body (as could occur after a traumatic experience), astral traveling, mystical journeying into other realms or meditative experience where you transcend, leave your body, or lose time or even a type of waking dream, you are likely dissociating.

Your best ally may have been dissociation

Dissociation, from a trauma informed perspective, is a defensive mechanism or, in Internal Family Systems language, a “protector” part. It's a smart strategy that could have helped you to survive difficult times, like childhood abuse, wartime, or torture. It makes sense when your nervous system is not able to cope with your emotions or your body, or when you are in a situation that's unsafe. Your consciousness will leave your body to go somewhere else where the pain doesn't feel as intense.

You may even learn to dissociate so well as a child that it becomes second nature or automatic for you. This is true when you become an adult. You may be able to dissociate from painful emotions and numb your body to make it less painful. You may also forget bad things that have happened.

Since Covid, I have never seen so many people actively dissociating in my entire career as a trauma informed physician. It makes sense, especially when the current economic climate is so difficult for many people. You're not the only one who has experienced this. In no way am I trying to stigmatize or pathologize anyone who dissociates frequently. It may help to know that dissociation can have some physical and behavioral side effects. These could impact your life. Other people may notice these behaviors more than the person dissociating. Pay attention to what people say about you, or if you are noticing them in your loved ones.

When the body pretends to be dead, it allows you to check out. This is because there is something hurting, whether emotionally, physically or spiritually. It makes biological sense that a gazelle, on the run, would dissociate its consciousness from the body and drop it in a death-like state. This makes the experience of being eaten by a predator less painful. When involuntary, chronic dissociation occurs, such as in people who did not have their need for connection to the primary caregiver in the first year, certain predictable behaviors can be the side effects. Learn more about the consequences of an infant not being able to connect with their mother.

Signs that you or a loved one may be dissociating

Feeling blocked, even if you are aware that you should feel something, such as grief for a lost pet or loved one.
You may experience brain fog or feel like you are in a tunnel, with the world around you fading away.
You may not know what you want or have difficulty expressing your preferences.
You're not fully present or feeling your boundary-protecting emotions, or inhabiting yourself.
You may dissociate from people who are pushy, aggressive, narcissistic, entitled, or have a difficult time saying no.
The tendency to act in a way that others may interpret as being two-faced. Conflict avoidance can make you appease a person one moment, and then appease another in a way that feels like treason moments later.
You're chronically late because you are dissociated or have forgotten about your appointment.
Others may perceive you as being out of touch or lacking empathy (not co-regulating, not attuned to others' emotions and needs, what Deb Dana refers to as “biological rudeness”).
Chronic fatigue, chronic illness or weakness (because the dorsal-vagal freeze state is very hard on the body and wears out the self-healing mechanisms, the tendency to sleep for more than eight hours a day, or collapse into narcolepsy).
Lightheadedness or fainting can occur when you are triggered
Sexual dysfunction (because your body is not present when you dissociate) or hypersexualization are both possible.
Unable to be present in the moment or tune into what is happening around you.
Aloofness or frequent daydreaming/active fantasy life
Spacey, floaty or ungrounded people (who may appear unreliable, immature, or have trouble “adulting”).
The tendency to “spiritually by-pass” by frequent or long meditations or yoga sessions or seeking out blissful experiences that promote dissociation (such as hallucinogenic drug journeying, meditation retreats etc.).
Extreme sports are appealing (because they allow you to be in your body, and feel the sensations by pushing them to their limits).
Tolerance to pain is unusually high
In certain situations, short term memory loss can occur. For example, you may not remember what someone said five minutes later, if they were in conflict, or if someone was criticizing or protesting.
Memory loss over a long period of time is common, particularly during trauma.
Amnesia is a common symptom of dissociative disorders, and can be mistaken for forgetfulness.
Even when people are generally trustworthy, paranoia and distrust can be a result of episodes of amnesia dissociative and paranoia.
Dissociation can be mistaken for ADHD if you have difficulty completing tasks that require precision, such as filling out forms.
A tendency to cover up or lie deceptively, usually to protect oneself from humiliation or to cover up hurtful behaviors that may have occurred while in a state of dissociation.

All Trauma Deserves Our Compassion

It is enough to say that our psyche and bodies are brilliant in helping us to survive the unbearable. However, the nervous system may become stuck on the default settings that make it difficult to function at maximum capacity. Be gentle if you or someone close to you dissociates often. They are the canaries of our coal mines, and their nervous system is very sensitive. It can be difficult because people with dissociation often behave in a way that triggers others, such as being careless or disrespectful.

Dissociating frequently makes it difficult for a person to maintain a healthy body, engage in healthy relationships or function at their best at work. It's not the fault of those who dissociate. This is a symptom of trauma, and trauma in general deserves our compassion. It doesn't mean that we should not hold people accountable when they are abusive or hurtful, but it does mean that scolding a person who is dissociating will only make them more dissociative.

There is no quick fix or magic pill, but there are treatments that can help you to regulate your nervous system and treat dissociation. Sorry if you or a loved one is suffering from dissociative syndromes. This past year has been especially hard for those trauma survivors with the most sensitive souls. I feel for you all.

Online programs will not be able heal the dissociative tendencies that are at the root of them, nor can they replace one-on-one therapy. We will offer the toolkit for boundary setting and psychoeducation to those who are more mildly affected but have a tendency of being taken advantage. Register here.

The first time this post appeared was on Lissa Rankin.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is holistic medicine opposite?

Holistic medicine examines the whole person and all its aspects. It recognizes that each illness must have multiple causes, and therefore requires a combination or several treatments to be most effective.

Holistic medicine practitioners believe prevention is better that cure. They are able to work closely with patients in order to ensure optimal wellness.

They look for the root causes of disease to prevent them from returning. Holistic physicians treat the entire body, not just its organs. They sometimes refer to “the whole body” as the entirety of their being.

This means that they go beyond skin care and treat the entire body holistically. The doctor may recommend changes to your diet, exercise, or life style. He might also recommend yoga or meditation, herbal supplements, massages, acupuncture, chiropractic care, or other forms alternative medicine.

What are some of the benefits of complementary or alternative medicine?

People who feel they do not receive enough help from allopathic medicine may use complementary and alternative medicine (CAM). These include homeopathy, herbal medicine, massage therapy and homeopathy. Traditional Chinese medicine, biofeedback, spiritual healing, chiropractic care, homeopathy, homeopathy, traditional Chinese medicine, traditional Chinese medicine, chiropractic care and other therapies. Because they are not compatible with conventional medicine's treatment and diagnosis, CAM practitioners may use alternative treatments. Many CAM therapies include elements of conventional medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.

Some CAM therapies are effective in pain relief, stress management and relaxation. They may also improve your general sense of well-being and reduce fatigue. Some CAM therapies treat specific conditions, such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Others CAM therapies could be simply enjoyable.

There is no single definition of what constitutes CAM; however, most definitions include at least one of the following:

A holistic perspective that looks at the whole person, including body, mind as well as spirit and environment.
The belief that mind and body interact with each other and have an influence on one another
It is believed that illness is caused by an imbalance between the environment and the person.
Treatments that focus on the whole person rather than just symptoms
Combination of Eastern philosophy with Western science
Integrating mind, body and spirit into treatment methods
Natural products can be used instead of synthetic chemicals
A healing touch
Mindfulness
Meditation
Acupuncture
Yoga
Herbal remedies
Homeopathy
Chiropractic care
Massage therapy
Hypnotherapy
Spiritual healing
Biofeedback
Nutritional counseling
Energy healing

Certain CAM therapies can have risks. Misuse of CAM therapies can lead to serious injury or even death. Others pose potential side effects that must be weighed against their perceived benefits. If you are considering using any CAM, discuss these issues with your doctor before deciding whether to try them.

Why is holistic medicine so much better?

Holistic health care focuses on treating the whole person rather than on individual symptoms. This involves looking at how someone feels about their body, their diet, where they live, and how much stress they have.

Holistic medicine takes into account all aspects of a patient’s life and treats them like a whole package. Although it may sound easy, in practice this is difficult because doctors tend to focus only on the physical aspect of patients.

What is the difference between Naturopathic Medicine and Holistic Medicine,

The two main types of medicine are conventional medicine and complementary/alternative medicine. Conventional medicine is based on drugs and surgery. Complementary/Alternative Medicine (CAM) uses natural therapies such as herbs, vitamins, acupuncture, and massage to treat illness and promote health. CAM should not be considered as a replacement for traditional treatment. Instead, CAM can help patients take control of their health by helping them choose the best option.

Naturopathy, on one hand, can be used to complement traditional medical practices. It addresses the whole body and mind as well as the soul. There are many types of naturopathy. These include Ayurveda (Chinese Medicine), Traditional Native American Medicine (TNAM) and Functional Medicine.

It is important to remember that some CAM modalities overlap slightly with conventional medicine. Both doctors and Naturopaths can prescribe herbal remedies. But, naturopaths are more concerned with lifestyle changes than prescribing medications.

Naturopathy is sometimes called “complementary” as it works in conjunction with conventional medicine and not to replace it. Naturopaths can prescribe medication when necessary.

There are many differences between naturopathic medicine, CAM, and other modalities.

Naturopaths don't usually prescribe medication.
Naturopaths will work with the patient's family medicine and may refer patients outpatients to specialists, if necessary.
Naturopathic physicians are licensed by their respective provinces, while CAM practitioners are selfregulated.
Naturopathy emphasizes prevention and wellness while providing education about diet and exercise.
Naturopaths emphasize the importance of lifestyle factors such as nutrition, sleep, stress management and exercise.
Naturopharmacists specialize on the treatment of certain conditions with botanicals or minerals.
Naturopodists are trained to provide individualized care based on each patient's unique needs.
Regulators such as the College of Naturopathic Physicians of Ontario license Naturopaths.
The provincial regulatory bodies issue licenses to naturopatrists.
The Canadian Association of Naturopathic Doctors has registered Naturopaticians.
The College of Naturopaths of British Columbia has licensed Naturotherapists.
Naturobiotic therapists are licensed by the United States National Board of Medical Examiners.
The Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency entitles homeopaths.
The term “holistic” refers the belief that all aspects, including physical, spiritual, social, and mental, should be taken into consideration when making decisions about one’s health. Holistic doctors will not focus on just one aspect of the equation but consider all elements.

What is a holistic doctor?

A holistic medicine doctor treats patients holistically. They may combine western medicine with traditional methods like acupuncture and herbs.

They are not interested in treating symptoms but rather a disease. The patient should feel better following treatment.

The doctor should not only focus on curing the disease but also help prevent future illnesses.

The term holistic refers to a person who considers all aspects in their life.

What is Alternative Medicine, and how can it help you?

It is a healing approach that focuses on prevention instead of treating. It encourages consumers to become educated and active in improving their well-being.

Alternative medicine refers only to any type of treatment and diagnosis that does NOT use allopathic (conventional).

Statistics

In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
According to a 2005 book by a US [116]Institute of Medicine panel, the number of RCTs focused on CAM has risen dramatically. (en.wikipedia.org)
The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)
These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)

External Links

How To

What are the four types of complementary and alternate medicine?

There are four major types of CAM: mind-body medicine (natural products), manipulative therapies (energy healing), and manipulative therapies (natural products). Mind-body medicine encompasses yoga, Tai Chi, Reiki and massage therapy. It also includes homeopathy, homeopathy, aromatherapy (reflexology), naturopathy biofeedback, Hypnosis, hypnosis, and chiropractic care. Natural products include herbs vitamins, minerals, nutritional supplements, and botanicals. Manipulative therapy includes physical manipulation, such as chiropractic and osteopathic care, acupuncture and therapeutic exercise. Energy healing involves techniques such as prayer and visualization.

CAM refers to a variety of health practices that are not in line with Western medical models. These practices vary widely regarding how much scientific evidence supports them, whether they involve drugs or surgery, and which conditions they treat. Some CAM professionals also perform diagnostic testing, such as blood tests, and prescribe medication. Some practitioners do both.

Each category has many subcategories in addition to the four main categories. There are many subcategories within mind-body medicines, such as relaxation techniques and mindfulness training. Natural products include nutritional supplements as well botanical medicines, homeopathic treatments, essential oils and herbal preparations. Manipulative therapies include manual, movement, traction, electrotherapies, cupping, stretching, soft tissue mobilization, myofascial release, trigger point therapy, orthopedics, and neurostimulation. There are spiritual healing modalities such as prayer and faith healing within energy healing.

Many CAM remedies treat symptoms, but don't address the cause. However, CAM may provide relief for some chronic diseases. If used properly, CAM can be combined with conventional treatments.

There are many reasons that people use CAM.

To improve their overall wellness.
To manage a certain condition.
To reduce discomfort or pain
To prevent illness.
To promote wellness.
To address a personal belief.

Some people prefer CAM over conventional medicine because they feel it provides more control over the health of their bodies. Some may feel it has less side effects. Others prefer CAM to stay away from prescription medications. Some people prefer not to use pharmaceuticals. Some people seek out CAM to avoid having to repeat the same mistakes they had with traditional medicine.

People who use CAM often say that they want to know the basics of what they are doing before trying anything new. Many CAM users ask questions about the safety and effectiveness of CAM. Others rely on the word of mouth among family and friends.

Although CAM can be viewed negatively by society in general, most users feel positive about it. People who use CAM are happier and healthier than those who don’t. This holds true regardless of gender, age, race, religion, income level, occupation, insurance status or any other factors.

A large majority of Americans practice some form or another of complementary and alternative medicines. Nearly 95% of Americans use some form of complementary and alternative medicine at least once in their lifetime. The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, NCCIH, estimates that approximately 40 million people visited CAM providers in 2010.

The NCCIH estimates that 10% of the U.S. population is treated by chiropractors or massage therapists.

2013 was a year that the American Medical Association (AMA) reaffirmed its support of integrative medicine. It stated that doctors should incorporate scientifically validated complementary and alternative medicine into their clinical practice to meet patients' expectations and needs.

The Institute of Medicine published a landmark 2007 report called “Relating Constraints” that concluded that there was no evidence to support the claim that any particular CAM intervention can prevent, treat, cure, or cure cancer.

CAM continues to gain popularity despite this finding. 2008 saw a 8 percent increase in the number of CAM professionals compared to 2007.

A recent study found that almost half of the respondents reported using CAM as part of their primary healthcare regimen.

CAM therapies can include natural products, mind/body practices, manipulative methods, energy healing techniques, exercise, dietary supplementation, and other approaches.

Many CAM therapies can be used for pain relief, but many have other benefits such as improved mood, reduced stress and increased immunity.

Acupuncture can be used to relieve back pain, anxiety, depression, increase immune function, promote weight loss, and improve menstrual symptoms.

Many CAM therapies are rooted in Ayurvedic and traditional Chinese medicine. They have been around for thousands of years.

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), which originated in China 5,000 years back, has been practiced in China ever since.

TCM was only in the mid-1800s that Western science gained prominence. However, it is still an important part of modern health care.

TCM is used to treat a majority of Americans.

Yoga is another popular CAM therapy. Yoga was founded in India approximately 5000 B.C. Yoga is now an accepted global practice.

Yoga has gained popularity due to its physical, mental, as well as spiritual benefits.

Yoga can be used to reduce stress, improve flexibility, increase strength and help with blood pressure.

Although there is limited scientific research, yoga seems to have positive effects on sleep33 and may be helpful for those suffering from insomnia.

Other CAM treatments, like meditation, homeopathy and aromatherapy are also gaining acceptance in mainstream medical practice.

One of the most common types of CAM used today is herbal medicine.

Herbal medicines may include herbs and spices, flowers, seeds or fruits, bark, leaves or roots, as well stems.

They are commonly used as safer alternatives to prescription drugs and are often preferred by consumers.

The U.S. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health estimates that about 90 million Americans use some form of complementary/alternative medicine.

The American Cancer Society reports that 45% (or more) of those diagnosed with cancer have used alternative medicines during their illness.

According to the National Institutes of Health, 60% of cancer patients use CAM. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that approximately 50% of cancer survivors have used CAM.

A recent study found that 51% of patients with cancer used at least one type or another of CAM.

However, only 8% discussed the topic with their physicians.

This communication gap between conventional medical providers, CAM users and traditional doctors is a major problem in healthcare delivery.

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