The “empaths” are some of the most empathic people that I have ever encountered. But, I don’t blame them for their extreme insensitivity. They don’t know what they are capable of because they can’t handle all the feelings and empathizing with themselves.
It is clear that in a world where there is more compassion, love, empathy, and compassion, some of the most empathic people I know are also the most hard on themselves. You can bet that they have made the same insensitive remarks about you ten times.
A dear friend, who was a survivor from significant trauma, looked at me with a hardened, mean look and began to hurl contempt. He mocked me and accused me of being a fool, before hurling slurs after another. My friend, who is usually kind and generous, shocked me so much that I couldn’t speak. Then a small voice in my head said, “He usually talks like this to himself.”
In that instant, I realized that it wasn’t really about me. He broke down when I said this to him and asked if the abusive part was talking to me in the same way. In that moment, I understood why he was so insensitive to me when i was feeling vulnerable, scared, lonely, or sad. This inner judge poured sarcasm on him when he was feeling these feelings. Every now and again, when I felt needy, the mean judge came after my back.
In that moment, it became obvious to us that the mean judge needed our empathy. To protect myself, I was able set a boundary to the mean judge. However, once the boundary was in place, I felt bad for the guy within. I was astonished that he could be so cruel to my friend and get so mean with us sometimes. We both went to see a therapist in order to work out how to handle the contemptuous judge. He was able to melt when we extended our empathy to him.
It is said that to love others we must first love ourselves. However, this can be difficult to sell to many people who love. Sometimes loving others can feel the opposite of loving yourself. This is because competing needs often force us to make choices that are best for ourselves and others. Rarely is a choice a win-win situation. For those who are wired to take care of others, they will often accept the loss in order to help them win.
This way of thinking and choosing is wrong. It can be loving to reach out beyond our comfort zone in the name and service of others. This can feel like a lot of sacrifice and even martyrdom. This is the edge that we should be paying attention to. It’s when we realize we are giving beyond our ability, beyond our resources, into the realms of over-giving, resentment, and possibly even controlling vulnerable people to feel superior.
We are most grateful for the chance to love and sympathize with others when we do.
This is often not how we feel when we show up for others. Instead of feeling grateful for a loved one who is in pain, we feel put on, feel the burden of obligation, and we feel angry at our loved ones for being so cranky or unappreciated.
This is the time to take what Internal Family Systems calls the “You-turn” and get quiet to observe how your inner parts are feeling. You may feel more than one feeling. One part may feel exhausted by caregiving and run on empty. Another part may be full of self-pity wondering “When is my turn?”. You might even hate the person you are providing care to. One part may love helping others and get a boost in self-worth or identity. One part of you may just want to cry about all the things that have happened and turn your attention away from the people around them, neglecting the little ones. One part may bully you or other parts. They might yawn about how they should stop feeling and then get back to caringgiving.
It is important to recognize that your empathy and compassion are what you need, and not your bullying or neglect. If you are not capable of reaching out to others with empathy, compassion, and loving kindness, then you will never be able to truly extend empathy. Although you may be able performatively empathize with others, it is possible to say and do the things that make them feel empathic. People will eventually feel your inauthenticity and find fault with you.
You’ll find it difficult to manage your emotions if you are an empath, especially if you’re a sponge who absorbs other people’s emotions.
Empathy can be taught! Empathizing with others begins with understanding the feelings you have. Once you have mastered the art of being there for your own distress (without ever bullying yourself), you will be able to feel generous and understanding when another person is in pain, resentful or hurt.
If someone close to you is experiencing pain, you might consider asking yourself how resilient you are to help them. It’s fine to do the You-turn if you find yourself in pain. This will allow you to share the pain and loneliness that comes with being in pain by both of you. You can also help one another when you are in pain.
You can help your children if you are the parent. Because children don’t expect to be able to show adult empathy until they reach certain developmental milestones, it is important for parents to find good friends and support partners to help them when their kids need it.
If you feel the need to, do this now. Take a moment to close your eyes and see what your inner world looks like. Where are you currently? Is your giving greater than you have the resources to? Are you giving more to others than you are able to give? What single, small act of empathy could you take to get closer to 50/50 reciprocity today?
Lissa Rankin first published the post Empathy Must Begin With Us (& Why Empaths can Show The Most Empathy).
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Alternative Medicine?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It encourages people be educated consumers, actively participating in their own health and well being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
Who uses holistic medicine?
Holistic medicine is health care that treats the whole person as opposed to treating specific symptoms. It considers both the mental, and physical aspects.
Holistic medicine encompasses acupuncture and massage therapy, chiropractic treatment as well as nutritional counseling, yoga and other complementary therapies.
Holistic medicine is for people who have been diagnosed as having cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and depression.
What are the Five Alternative Medical Systems (Alternatives)?
Ayurveda is a system of alternative medicine that includes acupuncture, Ayurveda homeopathy, energy-healing, and aromatherapy.
Acupuncture uses fine needles placed in specific points of the body to stimulate qi flow throughout the body.
Ayurvedic medicine is an ancient system for health care that balances the three major humors, water, fire, and air. It involves diet, exercise, herbal remedies, massage, and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine gets its name from the Greek word homoios (similar) and pathos (disease). Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They treat people by prescribing minute doses of substances that cause similar symptoms to those experienced when the person is ill.
Energy Healing can also be known by the names Reiki, EFT Rolfing and Therapeutic Touch. This therapy is based in the belief we all have a connection to a universal life force called Ki. When this Ki flows freely through us, we feel well. Energy healers use touch or intention to restore harmony between our spiritual, emotional, and physical selves.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils extracted from plants for therapeutic purposes. Aromatherapists believe certain smells can have a positive effect on mood and behavior. The most common essential oil used in aromatherapy is lavender.
Statistics
- The concept of regression toward the mean implies that an extreme result is more likely to be followed by a less extreme result. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- An assessment of conventional treatments found that 41.3% concluded positive or possibly positive effects, 20% concluded no effect, 8.1% concluded net harmful effects, and 21.3% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
- These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
cam.cancer.gov
doi.org
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING & TENSION-TYPE HEADADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed. The Effect of Foot reflexology on Hospital Anxiety, Depression and Suffering in Older Women: A Randomized Controlled Test – PubMed
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The rise of complementary and other medicine: A sociological perspective
- PubMed: Holistic Medicine – PubMed
How To
What are the qualities of a qualified holistic physician?
How to find a good doctor who specializes in holistic medicine?
Specialization in a particular field is what makes doctors the best. Holistic medicine is what we are referring too. This means that doctors must learn how to treat their patients holistically. You should be able to explain your holistic health to them and why you would like to see a holistic physician.
Doctors must be well-versed in holistic health. They should also be familiar with complementary and other therapies (CAM), like acupuncture or chiropractic care.
Holistic healthcare practitioners should also have the ability to diagnose your condition, and then explain the options available so you can make an educated decision about your treatment options.
Ask if your doctor is certified by professional organizations such as the American Holistic Medical Association or the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork. NBOHMCA is a certification body that offers certifications in many areas of medicine, including naturopathic and acupuncture as well homeopathy, clinical nutrition, herbs, and aromatherapy.
If you are looking for a holistic practitioner in your area, check out our directory. If you don’t see a practitioner listed, you might be able to look online for one.
Check with your local hospital to see if they offer holistic health care.
You can also visit your local library for books and resources on holistic health.
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This blog is a source of general information and discussion on health and related topics. Information and materials on this blog, on the website, or in any of the connected materials are not intended to replace or used as a substitute for the advice of a medical professional, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not represent the application of any nursing, medical or other health professional advice or diagnosis. We are unable to diagnose health conditions, offer second opinions or provide specific treatment recommendations via this blog or on our website.
If you or another person is suffering from a medical issue and you are concerned, consult your doctor or seek out other medical professional treatment as soon as possible. Do not disregard medical advice from a professional or delay seeking it due to information you seen on the blog or website or in any of the linked materials. If you’re experiencing an emergency medical situation, dial 911 or seek emergency medical assistance on the closest phone immediately.
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By: Nicolay Kreidler
Title: Empathy Must Start With Ourselves (& Why Empaths Can Show The Least Empathy)
Sourced From: lissarankin.com/empathy-must-start-with-ourselves-why-empaths-can-show-the-least-empathy/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=empathy-must-start-with-ourselves-why-empaths-can-show-the-least-empathy
Published Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2023 01:29:03 +0000
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Alternative Medicine?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It encourages people be educated consumers, actively participating in their own health and well being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
Who uses holistic medicine?
Holistic medicine is health care that treats the whole person as opposed to treating specific symptoms. It considers both the mental, and physical aspects.
Holistic medicine encompasses acupuncture and massage therapy, chiropractic treatment as well as nutritional counseling, yoga and other complementary therapies.
Holistic medicine is for people who have been diagnosed as having cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and depression.
What are the Five Alternative Medical Systems (Alternatives)?
Ayurveda is a system of alternative medicine that includes acupuncture, Ayurveda homeopathy, energy-healing, and aromatherapy.
Acupuncture uses fine needles placed in specific points of the body to stimulate qi flow throughout the body.
Ayurvedic medicine is an ancient system for health care that balances the three major humors, water, fire, and air. It involves diet, exercise, herbal remedies, massage, and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine gets its name from the Greek word homoios (similar) and pathos (disease). Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They treat people by prescribing minute doses of substances that cause similar symptoms to those experienced when the person is ill.
Energy Healing can also be known by the names Reiki, EFT Rolfing and Therapeutic Touch. This therapy is based in the belief we all have a connection to a universal life force called Ki. When this Ki flows freely through us, we feel well. Energy healers use touch or intention to restore harmony between our spiritual, emotional, and physical selves.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils extracted from plants for therapeutic purposes. Aromatherapists believe certain smells can have a positive effect on mood and behavior. The most common essential oil used in aromatherapy is lavender.
Statistics
- The concept of regression toward the mean implies that an extreme result is more likely to be followed by a less extreme result. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- An assessment of conventional treatments found that 41.3% concluded positive or possibly positive effects, 20% concluded no effect, 8.1% concluded net harmful effects, and 21.3% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
- These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
cam.cancer.gov
doi.org
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING & TENSION-TYPE HEADADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed. The Effect of Foot reflexology on Hospital Anxiety, Depression and Suffering in Older Women: A Randomized Controlled Test – PubMed
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The rise of complementary and other medicine: A sociological perspective
- PubMed: Holistic Medicine – PubMed
How To
What are the qualities of a qualified holistic physician?
How to find a good doctor who specializes in holistic medicine?
Specialization in a particular field is what makes doctors the best. Holistic medicine is what we are referring too. This means that doctors must learn how to treat their patients holistically. You should be able to explain your holistic health to them and why you would like to see a holistic physician.
Doctors must be well-versed in holistic health. They should also be familiar with complementary and other therapies (CAM), like acupuncture or chiropractic care.
Holistic healthcare practitioners should also have the ability to diagnose your condition, and then explain the options available so you can make an educated decision about your treatment options.
Ask if your doctor is certified by professional organizations such as the American Holistic Medical Association or the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork. NBOHMCA is a certification body that offers certifications in many areas of medicine, including naturopathic and acupuncture as well homeopathy, clinical nutrition, herbs, and aromatherapy.
If you are looking for a holistic practitioner in your area, check out our directory. If you don’t see a practitioner listed, you might be able to look online for one.
Check with your local hospital to see if they offer holistic health care.
You can also visit your local library for books and resources on holistic health.
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