Have You Experienced Spiritual Heartbreak?

In last month's podcast, stories of “spiritual pain” were shared.span Style=”font-weight 400 ;”>.” I was moved to tears by these stories, and not only because of the heartbreak of those who had been spiritually hurt. I want to take a minute to reflect on the idea of spiritual heartbreak. And invite you to think about whether you have been heartbroken spiritually or by another system that you trusted and then let you down.

I grew up in a family with three Methodist ministers. As religions, the Methodists are a pretty mild group. Two of my uncles, however, were social justice warriors who did some pretty amazing ministry. My memory of church is that I was brought up very fundamentalist. My mother's sister – the wife of a social justice-conscious Methodist minister – only responded to my anger about the church's oppressive antisemitism, racism, and homophobia when my mother was dying, saying “That's not the church.” It was your mother.

Oh.

My mother's fundamentalist interpretation and the sex camps that she accompanied were the first things to break my heart. It didn't take long for me to realize that her religion was not for me. When I was 18, I never returned to church. Ever.

Then I became a believer in science. Science seemed more rational and just to me than religion, both in my undergraduate years at Duke University, and later during medical school and residency. When I finished my OB/GYN Residency at Northwestern University, I had been fully indoctrinated not only into evidence-based medicine but also “The Northwestern Way”. Our way was superior to Harvard. Our way was a pure interpretation of the purest science. I was so certain that our way was THE way, I called a meeting with senior physicians in my first job following residence. I was only 30 when I challenged the medical practices and practices of doctors who were twice my age. I had articles from medical journals to prove that their practices were bad and I was there to save women and children.

I'm actually right. They did change their ways about a decade after that, but only after I made myself insufferable by my certainty and arrogance.

It may be that I took longer to feel the pain of medicine because I had chosen it rather than being forced into my mouth. I was hooked, line, and sinker. The dogma began to fall apart, revealing corruption and moral injury. I didn't realize how traumatizing we doctors were to the people we were trying cure. I was suicidal in my despair.

In my book The Anatomy Of A Calling I tell the entire story of why I quit medicine, so I will not repeat it here. After leaving the church, and then conventional medicine in 2007, I was a vulnerable and suggestible person. I attended a writing workshop at Esalen Institute with Nancy Aronie, which fundamentally changed my entire life.

It wasn't until the pandemic that I felt my spirit broken again. Although I didn't embrace the New Age Wellness world with the same fervor as my Northwestern fundamentalism in the past, the New Age World embraced me completely when my book Mind Over Medicine was published in 2013. As a young divorced mother, I felt lonely and afraid. I found a place in this world.

While I could write rationally about the three biggest heartbreaks, I would rather dive into my emotions and see what happens to me.

I am initially ecstatic. It makes me feel like I'm a special girl. I was the good girl of my mother’s fundamentalism, with my solos in church musicals. My mother’s smile when she saw the congregation give me standing ovations. I was the Northwestern star, practicing the best medicine in the world because I earned it with my brains and discipline. I was the New York Times best-selling author who was embraced by alternative practitioners and their patients as the doctor who brought science to what they had intuitively known all along.

I felt chosen, magical, superior, inflated and worthy. The honeymoon period of these relationships gave me a narcissistic high. The inevitable crash happened when I realized that I was indoctrinated with a rigid and dogmatic belief system which was unkind and unhelpful. The emotions that were evoked then were the exact opposite. I felt deflated and unworthy. I felt betrayed, tricked and duped. I was ashamed for evangelizing dogma to the point that it hurt me and others. The exile feelings each time brought back memories of childhood abuse by a narcissistic mom and left me in a swamp of realizing I wasn't unconditionally loved. I was only conditionally accepted- until I left the fold and turned against the dogma- and my mother, then the church, then academia, then New Agers, turned vicious. Then you realize that it was a scam. All of these people who claimed to love you suddenly turn against you the moment you stand up for the dogma which binds and gives you a sense of ecstatic belong.

You grieve because you feel betrayed. They never loved you. You were only loved bombed because you didn't challenge their dogma and played along with the agenda. You then do the inner child work of IFS to comfort these lonely, sad and betrayed exiles, and welcome them back to your love, compassion and tenderness. Let them cry, because their sadness is real.

Finally, I am angry. Instead of blaming myself, I use my anger to fuel my activism to prevent others from suffering the same spiritual (or medical) heartbreak. I feel less helpless if I find ways to help those who have experienced systemic heartbreak or who were heartbroken by parents that approved of their children for being compliant and good.

In an unpublished manuscript that I will be posting on Substack, I have written about my most recent spiritual heartbreak and called out the oppression of the New Age dogma. Subscribe to Substack for the book Love Bigger: A Spiritual Exploration Without Spiritual Bypassing. )

I will also be teaching an IFS weekend workshop Spirituality Without Bypassing, June 10-11. Register here.

I want to know about your stories of spiritual heartbreak. I believe that telling our stories, and writing them down in the same way as we do it in our Memoir As Medicine course can help us heal. The third round of Memoir As Medicine begins on June 28. Nancy Aronie will teach all new lessons to those who've taken the class previously, but the gushing breaks will remain gushy.

Here you can reserve your place for Spirituality without Bypassing span size=”400 ;”>.

Have you experienced spiritual heartbreak? The original post appeared at Lissa Rankin.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is another name for alternative medicine?

Alternative medicine can be described as any method of healing that is different from traditional medical practice. There are many types of alternative medicine. However, they all share the same premise: health care should be grounded in natural substances and practices, not chemical medicines.

Alternative medicine includes acupuncture.

Many alternative practitioners claim that their treatments result in better health outcomes. This includes a lower risk of developing side effects and higher patient satisfaction. These claims can't be supported scientifically, as mainstream medical authorities have mostly ignored the evidence-based advantages of alternative medicine.

What are the 5 domains of integrative medicine?

The five domains of integrative medicine include mind-body, nutrition, social determinants, lifestyle, and prevention. These five areas include all aspects health care including mental, spiritual, as well as environmental well-being.

Integrative medicine aims to provide a comprehensive approach to addressing overall health, wellness, and disease treatment. It covers both traditional medical treatments and alternative therapies like acupuncture, yoga and meditation, as well nutritional counseling and biofeedback.

What is a holistic medicine doctor?

A holistic medicine doctor treats patients holistically. They may combine western medicine with traditional methods like acupuncture and herbs.

They treat the illness, not just the symptoms. The patient should feel better after treatment.

The doctor should not only focus on curing the disease but also help prevent future illnesses.

“Holistic” is a term that refers all aspects of a person’s life.

What does holistic actually mean?

Holistic means whole-based. Holistic means seeing the whole picture and not just parts of it. This can be hard because we are used seeing things as parts.

We often think of grey as black and white. But actually, there is an infinite variety of shades of grey.

When working on a project, you should try to view it from multiple angles. Take a look at it from every angle.

It is important to see how the pieces fit together. How does each of its components interact with one another?

If you find a problem in your situation, take the time to ask why. Don't forget about the effects of any change that you make.

Who uses holistic medicine?

Holistic medicine is a holistic approach to healthcare that treats the whole person, not just specific symptoms. It considers both the mental, and physical aspects.

Holistic medicine includes acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractic treatment, nutritional counseling, yoga, and other complementary therapies.

Holistic medicine is for people who have been diagnosed as having cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and depression.

What's the difference between holistic medicine versus alternative medicine?

Holistic medicine addresses the whole person, including mind, body and spirit. It examines all aspects that affect a person’s overall health. These include the psychological, spiritual and environmental factors often overlooked in traditional medicine. Alternative medicine addresses specific conditions, such as asthma, allergies, arthritis, and other ailments.

Statistics

According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
The concept of regression toward the mean implies that an extreme result is more likely to be followed by a less extreme result. (en.wikipedia.org)
According to a 2005 book by a US [116]Institute of Medicine panel, the number of RCTs focused on CAM has risen dramatically. (en.wikipedia.org)
The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)

External Links

How To

How to Deal with My Girlfriend Who Trusts Alternative Medicine

You can find advice on the internet for people who are caring for someone with mental illness. However, there is very little information on alternative medicine and how to deal with them.

It seems like there is a big divide between the two. There is a wide range of opinions on conventional medicine.

What happens when you come across someone who believes in alternative treatments for mental health issues?

Perhaps you feel confused or frustrated, because you don’t know how to react. What do you tell your partner if he says he would rather go to an acupuncturist than his doctor? Or when he suggests to you that he would prefer to eat gluten-free foods than take antidepressants.

It's important to ask questions. Asking them early on could save a lot of heartaches later on.

How can you ask him these difficult questions without making it offensive? What if he claims he doesn't believe doctors? Do you tell him that he shouldn't trust anyone?

What if she claims that antidepressants don't work? Should you tell her that she's wrong?

Here is where things get tricky. You may upset her even further if you point out that she's wrong.

You could also suggest she see a psychiatrist. This might cause more problems that it solves. This could cause her to be upset at you. She might think you are trying to control her mind.

So what do you need to do?

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