Loving Someone with Severe Attachment Wounding: Understanding and Navigating the Challenges

If you’re trying to love someone with a significant trauma history, you’ve probably noticed that it’s not always easy on you- the relatively safe attachment figure. It’s nobody’s fault. Trauma begets trauma, and all trauma deserves our compassion. But it is helpful to understand why people with significant attachment trauma in early life sometimes behave in unpredictable ways when you’re trying to get close to them- and they may be doing everything within their power to test you and push you away.

Understanding Attachment Trauma

Attachment trauma that results in avoidant or especially disorganized attachment typically results from severe relational trauma in childhood when caregivers were either neglectful or even violent. Especially if caregivers actively induced fear in the child, rather than being a source of co-regulation and comfort, attachment wounding is all but unavoidable. Disorganized attachment stems from a fearful avoidant attachment bond that was created in childhood when the child fears the caregivers because of violence, sexual abuse, neglect, and terrifying behaviors on the part of the caregivers. Avoidant attachment is less severe but still creates real challenges in relationships.

Signs of Severe Attachment Wounding

Typically, people who grow up to demonstrate the behaviors of attachment wounding had inadequate or absent safety and connection growing up. With nobody to comfort them when they were terrified and nobody to help them get core developmental needs met, they grow up with chronic nervous system dysregulation and serious trust issues. They often wind up fearful about trusting others who are safe, but they may paradoxically trust dangerous people, further reinforcing the terror of intimacy.

Recognizing Severe Attachment Wounding

How can you tell if someone you love has severe attachment wounding? There are a number of ways in which attachment wounding in relationships can play out:

They Trust Untrustworthy People & Distrust Trustworthy Folks: Because their autonomic nervous systems did not develop properly, their safety and danger radar may wind up backwards. As such, they can be very gullible, naive, and trusting with highly abusive individuals and very distrusting with people who are reasonably safe, loving, caring, gentle, and available for intimacy.

Difficulty Knowing Or Asking For What They Need: As little ones, these folks had their needs intentionally rejected and neglected. So they learn to shut down having much awareness of even their most basic needs.

“Come Hither, Go Away”: Those with attachment wounding still want closeness, even if it terrifies them. They may crave connection or jump from one relationship to the next, but they might run as soon as you lean in.

Stoicism & Emotional Invulnerability: Especially with male-identifying people with attachment wounding, the cultural conditioning that shames men for being emotional or vulnerable plays into their excessive fear of vulnerability and intimacy.

History Of Choosing Unsuitable Partners: People with more severe attachment wounding may have a history of picking abusive partners who won’t challenge their need to avoid intimacy.

Bizarre Acting Out Behaviors: If they inadvertently wind up with someone who is capable of intimacy and wants to be close to them, they may pull out all the stops to push you away.

Challenged With Regulating Strong Emotions: Normally, kids get help from their “good enough” parents learning to self-regulate when they get angry, scared, sad, jealous, or disappointed.

Heightened Fear of Abandonment: While people with severe attachment wounding may fear connection, but they also fear being alone, fear abandonment, and can be clingy if the stability of the relationship is threatened.

Power Imbalance: Those with attachment wounding may want you to be vulnerable- so they can feel in control- but they might struggle to share mutuality in vulnerability, which tends to put them in the “one up” power role.

Difficulty With Boundaries: If your boundaries are shattered in childhood, it can be very challenging to protect your own boundaries- or to avoid crossing the boundaries of others.

Healing Attachment Wounds

The good news is that, with professional help, a desire to heal, and a lot of patience from those involved, it’s possible to earn “secure attachment.” We can heal our past attachment wounding by attaching to someone kind and loving, someone who isn’t exploiting them or abusing you, someone who can actually be trusted to be safe enough. This is not an easy process, but it is possible.

This will be the focus of Healing Attachment Wounds in Relationships, a supportive weekend Zoom workshop for those who are committed to being the “safe object” for someone in the process of earning secure attachment.

Everyone deserves to be loved by someone safe enough and trustworthy enough, even those who have been severely hurt in childhood. Trying to get close to someone with severe attachment wounding is a challenging journey, and it’s not for everyone.

If you do take on that role of being someone’s “safe object,” you’ll have some tough obstacles to overcome, but you’ll also enjoy the benefits of someone’s gratitude for paving the way towards an attachment they can trust. Once you’ve got trust and earned secure attachment, the rest gets much easier.

Frequently Asked Questions

What types of treatments aren’t considered holistic medicine?

Holistic medicine treats the whole person, not the symptoms. It helps people to recover from illness by promoting health and preventing disease.

Holistic medicine employs natural remedies like herbs, homeopathy, acupuncture, and surgery instead of using drugs and surgeries.

Holistic medicine encompasses lifestyle changes, such as diet, exercise, meditation, yoga and breathing exercises.

Holistic medicine can also be called integrative medicine. It integrates all aspects that a patient needs to achieve a comprehensive care plan.

Holistic medicine emphasizes prevention, early detection and healthy living.

Holistic doctors believe that there is no single cause for any given condition. They look at the whole picture and consider genetic, environmental, lifestyle, and personal factors.

Holistic practitioners emphasize the mind and emotions more than the body.

Holistic physicians work closely with their patients to determine what will best meet their individual needs.

What is an alternative form of medicine?

Alternative medicine can be described as any method of healing that is different from traditional medical practice. There are many different forms of alternative medicine. Most are based upon the idea that health care should not be dependent on chemical medicines.

Alternative medicine includes acupuncture. Homeopathy, herbalism. naturopathy. osteopathic manipul. Traditional Chinese medicine. Reflexology. Shamanic healing. Prayer. Energy healing. Aromatherapy. Meditation. Chiropractic. Massage therapy. Reiki.

Many alternative practitioners claim that their therapies result in better health outcomes, including improved quality of life, fewer side effects, reduced costs, and greater patient satisfaction. These claims are not supported by scientific evidence because most mainstream medical authorities ignore the evidence-based benefits that alternative medicine offers.

Is it possible for a holistic doctor to prescribe prescriptions?

Holistic medicine is based around the assumption that all diseases are caused and exacerbated by a combination many factors. These include diet, lifestyles, stress levels, emotional state, genetics, environmental problems, stress, stress, and other health-related concerns.

These factors are important to consider when prescribing medications. This is part of a balanced approach to treating patients.

Understanding how each factor affects patients is essential for a physician to be able understand modern science as well as traditional methods such homeopathy and herbs.

Many doctors are certified in alternative and complementary medicine (C&A). This allows them offer a wide range of services to patients.

What is a holistic medicine doctor?

Holistic medicine is a holistic approach to treating patients. They may use traditional methods such as herbs and acupuncture but integrate these into western medicine.

They aim to treat an illness rather than just treat symptoms. The patient should feel better after treatment.

The doctor should not be limited to treating the disease. He or she must also work with patients to prevent future complications.

“Holistic” is a term that refers all aspects of a person’s life.

Is holistic health care equivalent to alternative medicine?

Holistic Health Care distinguishes itself from Alternative Medicine because Holistic Health Care focuses on the whole person instead of just treating symptoms.

Holistic Health Care looks at all aspects of an individual’s life, including mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, environmental, occupational, cultural, and family factors.

Alternative Medicine doesn’t address these issues. It does not address the mind, body, or emotions.

What are the health benefits of complementary and alternate medicine?

Complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) is an umbrella term for medical practices used by people who believe they are not getting adequate help from allopathic medicine. These include herbal medicines and mind-body therapies, such as acupuncture or massage therapy, homeopathy (traditional Chinese medicine), chiropractic care, biofeedback and hypnosis. Many CAM practitioners use treatment methods that aren’t part of conventional medicine’s standard system of diagnosis and treatment. Many CAM therapies can also be integrated with elements of mainstream medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.

Some CAM therapies are effective in pain relief, stress management and relaxation. They can also help with fatigue and improve your overall sense of well-being. Some CAM therapies can treat certain conditions such as fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel disorder, rheumatoidarthritis, cancer, diabetes, and irritable bowel syndrome. Others CAM therapies could be simply enjoyable.

There is no definitive definition of CAM. However, most definitions include at a minimum one of the following:

A holistic perspective which considers both body and mind, as well the environment.
The belief that the mind, body and soul interact and influence one another
The belief that illness results from an imbalance between the individual and his/her environment
A treatment that focuses on the whole person instead of just the symptoms
Combination between Eastern philosophy and Western science
Integrating mind, body and spirit into treatment methods
Natural products are better than synthetic chemicals
The healing touch
Mindfulness
Meditation
Acupuncture
Yoga
Herbal remedies
Homeopathy
Chiropractic care
Massage therapy
Hypnotherapy
Spiritual healing
Biofeedback
Nutritional counseling
Energy healing

Certain CAM therapies have potential dangers, as well as their potential benefits. If they are not used correctly, some therapies may cause death or serious harm. Others pose potential side effects that must be weighed against their perceived benefits. If you are considering using any CAM, discuss these issues with your doctor before deciding whether to try them.

Statistics

According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)
category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)

External Links

How To

What are the Advances and Shortcomings of Holistic Medicine.

Holistic medicine emphasizes mind, body, spirit, environment and social factors in healing. It was first developed by Dr. Edward Bach (1886-1936), and his first book, The Doctor’s Book of Mind Cure in 1924. Simple techniques like meditation, visualization, hypnosis, and visualization were used by him. This treatment was beneficial for people who suffer from anxiety, depressions, stress, pain, insomnia, or other illnesses. This therapy is also helpful for patients who want to improve their lives and cope with their issues.

Although holistic therapies have been around for a while, the lack of scientific evidence has made them less popular. However, some studies show that these treatments can help reduce symptoms associated with chronic conditions such as asthma, arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, migraine, obesity, osteoporosis, and others.

Advances and shortcomings of holistic medicine are:

Insufficient scientific evidence. Only a few well-designed randomized controlled trials (RCTs) evaluate the benefits of holistic therapies. Positive results are the norm in most observational studies.
Low cost compared to conventional medicine. Some alternative medicines are cheaper than traditional ones, especially when the patient follows a natural diet.
Patients are not under any pressure to adhere to the prescribed protocol.
Many doctors will recommend complementary treatments, even if they are not prescribed.
Many holistic treatments can be combined with traditional medicine. For example, acupuncture may be combined with medication or surgery.
Alternative therapies are believed to be more effective than conventional medicine.
Alternative medicines are considered more “natural” than conventional drugs.
Many patients seek out complementary therapies to help them adapt their lifestyles. They want to be healthy but also want to enjoy their lives.
Holistic treatment patients are often healthier.
An increasing number of older adults are turning to holistic treatment.
Additional research is needed on complementary treatments.
Studies show that most people prefer alternative treatments to going to the doctor.
It is important for doctors to realize that not all patients will benefit equally from alternate treatments.
Holistic treatments should be a part of our culture, education system and society.
Holistic treatments may not be safe for all.
So that patients can make informed decisions, we must be able to communicate with them about the various therapies.
Holistic therapies are not only for hippies.
Certain diseases cannot be treated with holistic treatments.
Holistic treatments are sometimes dangerous.
For certain conditions, holistic therapies are beneficial.
Holistic treatments work.
Holistic treatments are based in ancient knowledge.
Holistic treatments are easy to learn.
It is difficult to learn holistic treatments.
It is difficult to learn holistic treatments.
Holistic treatments are too expensive.
Holistic treatments can be quite expensive.
Holistic therapies are more affordable than traditional medicine.
Holistic treatment is more expensive than conventional medicine.

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A Brief History of Holistic Medicine

Holistic medicine is a method of healing that treats the whole person, not just the symptoms. It includes physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual, occupational, environmental, cultural, and lifestyle influences. It promotes prevention over cure.

Bastyr University established the first holistic school of medicine in Seattle in 1972. After the 1996 publication of “Spontaneous Healing,” Dr. Andrew Weil’s book, holistic medicine began to take root. Dr. David Williams and Michael Murray established the American Holistic Medical Association (AHMA). Today there are hundreds of holistic medical schools all around the globe, including Bastyr University. Columbia College of Physicians & Surgeons. Maharishi Ayurveda Institute. Pacific School of Oriental Medicine. Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Holistic medicine was named by the World Health Organization as one of the five most important trends in healthcare. This trend is focused on integrating conventional care with complementary therapies such as acupuncture, homeopathy, herbalism, massage therapy, reiki, yoga, meditation, and tai chi. This integration will provide safe, effective and patient-centered care with minimal side effects.

Holistic medicine works because of the interconnectedness of our body, mind, and spirit. Instability can result in illness if any of these parts is not in balance. Let’s take, for instance:

Stress and anxiety can cause you to become anxious and tense. Your body reacts by making cortisol. This hormone increases inflammation throughout your body. The result is fatigue, weakness, and sickness.

If your emotions run high, you may experience negative feelings and thoughts like fear, anger, grief, or sadness. These create stress in your brain. Untreated, stress can cause your body to make adrenaline and cortisol. Adrenaline can increase your heart rate and blood pressure as well as your breathing rate. Cortisol can affect your nervous system, immune system, and digestive tract. Both hormones can cause fatigue and muscle tension, headaches as well as dizziness.

You can lose your faith and hope in life if you feel depressed. You may also lack self-esteem and confidence. This can lead you to poor eating habits and unhealthy relationships. It can also cause low energy. You feel happy, joyful, peaceful, and optimistic when your spirit is healthy.

Difference between allopathic and alternative medicine

Allopathic medicine uses scientific methods. To diagnose patients, doctors use x-rays and MRIs as well as CAT scans and other technologies. If necessary, doctors prescribe medications and may perform surgery. Allopathic doctors believe they are able to diagnose and treat illness. Alternative medicine uses herbs, vitamins, minerals, diet, exercise, emotional support, spiritual healing, and more. Alternative medicine can be defined in many ways. You can call it natural medicine. Others refer to them as traditional medicine, holistic medicine, and CAM.

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By: Karoline
Title: Loving Someone with Severe Attachment Wounding: Understanding and Navigating the Challenges
Sourced From: lissarankin.com/10-signs-that-someone-you-love-has-severe-attachment-wounding/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=10-signs-that-someone-you-love-has-severe-attachment-wounding
Published Date: Sun, 25 Aug 2024 08:00:47 +0000