I’m reading a great book about boundaries, Anne Katherine’s Where To Draw The Line, with my partner Jeff. The whole book is great, but I just wanted to share with you all some of the Cliff Notes of what I really appreciated, which is a check list of helpful “Do’s” and “Don’ts” from the chapter about boundaries that protect intimacy.
People with severe boundary wounding may read a list like this and think, “Yeah, nice. But nobody has ever treated me with that kind of respect. Why should I do that for someone else?” Because if you want a truly intimate relationship, it takes effort. And it takes care and empathy. It takes treating someone like they matter, like they deserve respect and being treated with dignity. If you breach these kinds of boundaries, intimacy erodes, and then all the good things about having a trusting relationship with someone you’re really close with start to fall apart.
We’re printing out this list to put on our refrigerator, and just in case it helps you all, we thought we’d share Anne Katherine’s very good advice.
Intimacy Skills
- Notice when others extend themselves for you
- Appreciate gifts of time, effort, money, energy, attention, and thoughtfulness
- Take responsibility for communicating your needs
- State your needs directly
- Be honest about your feelings
- Acknowledge your true, current position in the relationship, even though it may be hard for the other person to hear
- Connect any shift towards separation with the events that caused it
- Say what will restore you and make you available again for intimacy
- Respect limits set by the other person
- Respect reasonable requests
- Confront the other person when something they do (or fail to do) is beginning to have negative impact on your relationship
- When the other person’s action (or failure to act) feels disrespectful, thoughtless, or uncomfortable, say so
Boundaries That Promote Intimacy
- Express issues in a timely fashion
- Speak as honestly as possible
- Express your feelings in a healthy way
- Make time for communication
- Appreciate the other person’s special efforts on your behalf
- Soak up the other person’s expressions of love. For example, pause a moment when someone says “I love you.” Deliberately receive the meaning behind the words before responding.
- Make regular times to enjoy leisure together
- Share physical closeness that doesn’t always lead to sex
- Chat about the thoughts and events of your day. Give the other person a picture of the part of your day you spent separately. Listen fully as your partner does the same for you.
- Maintain sexual fidelity (Lissa’s caveat: assuming you’re monogamous or abiding by agreed upon terms if you’re practicing ethical non-monogamy)
- When you realize you are heading towards an unexpected change, talk about it with your partner
- Make important decisions together. Negotiate as necessary
- Make amends when your partner has suffered negative consequences as a result of something you’ve done
- When your partner does something that improves your life, respond with something that gives them joy
Violations of Intimacy Boundaries
- Refusing to discuss important matters
- Making a decision that affects the other person’s life without discussing it with them
- Staying physically separate
- Gratifying yourself sexually without consideration of the other’s sexual needs or limits
- Sexual infidelity
- Treating the other person coldly or angrily rather than handling conflict directly
- Rage
- Refusing to acknowledge how you may have hurt the other person
- Not making amends for your mistakes
Boundaries are never as simple as a list of rules, but it can at least help spark conversations with the people you’re trying to be intimate with- or with your therapist. I hope this helps and I recommend reading Anne Katherine’s whole books.
If you’re interested in my own take on boundaries, I’m releasing an unpublished manuscript I wrote about IFS-informed boundaries called The Boundaries Handbook for my paid subscribers on Substack. You can help support my unpaid writing and read more boundaries content here for as little as $5/month. Thank you so much for caring about what I’m writing!
The post The Boundaries That Protect Healthy Intimacy first appeared on Lissa Rankin.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is holistic medicine's opposite?
Holistic medicine, a method of health care, considers all aspects, including the spiritual, emotional, and environmental aspects. It recognizes that each illness must have multiple causes, and therefore requires a combination or several treatments to be most effective.
Holistic medicine physicians believe prevention is better then cure. To achieve optimal wellness, holistic medicine doctors work closely alongside their patients.
They are trained to spot the root causes and prevent future disease. Holistic physicians consider the entire body and not merely the physical organs. They sometimes refer to “the whole body” as the entirety of their being.
This means that they go beyond skin care and treat the entire body holistically. The doctor might recommend lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise. He may also recommend yoga and meditation, herbal supplements or massage, acupuncture treatment, or alternative medicine.
Is holistic medicine safe to use?
Holistic Medicine is not as dangerous as you may think, but several risks are involved when using this treatment. The most common side effects include headaches, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, diarrhea, constipation, and insomnia. These side effects must be understood and weighed against the potential benefits of alternative treatments like acupuncture.
There have never been any cases of death related to holistic medicine.
Talk to your doctor before you begin any new treatment plan.
What is Alternative Medicine and How Does It Work?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It also encourages people to become informed consumers actively engaged in improving their health and well-being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
What are the benefits to complementary and alternative medicine?
Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) refers to medical practices that are used by patients who do not feel they are receiving adequate care from allopathic medicine. These include homeopathy, herbal medicine, massage therapy and homeopathy. Traditional Chinese medicine, biofeedback, spiritual healing, chiropractic care, homeopathy, homeopathy, traditional Chinese medicine, traditional Chinese medicine, chiropractic care and other therapies. Because they don't fit within the traditional medical system of diagnosis or treatment, CAM practitioners often choose to use “alternative” treatments. Many CAM therapies incorporate elements from conventional medicine. For example, some forms of acupuncture are performed with needles, while others involve acupressure or moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies can help with anxiety, stress management, pain relief, relaxation, sleep disorders, insomnia, and stress management. They may also improve your general sense of well-being and reduce fatigue. Some CAM therapies address specific conditions like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel disease, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Other CAM therapies might be more enjoyable.
There is no singular definition of what constitutes “CAM”, but most definitions include at the very least one of these:
- A holistic perspective that looks at the whole person, including body, mind as well as spirit and environment.
- The belief that mind and body interact with each other and have an influence on one another
- The belief that illness can be caused by an imbalance in the environment or between the individual and his/her environment
- Focus on the whole person and not just the symptoms.
- Combination between Eastern philosophy and Western science
- Treatment methods that integrate mind, body, and spirit
- Natural products are better than synthetic chemicals
- Touch of healing
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
Certain CAM therapies have potential dangers, as well as their potential benefits. If used incorrectly, some therapies can cause severe harm or even death. Some therapies can have side effects that need to be considered in order to maximize their potential benefits. Before you make a decision about whether to try any CAM, it is important that you discuss the issues with your doctor.
What is the difference between traditional and holistic medicine?
Traditional medicine only treats symptoms. Holistic medicine treats the entire person. Holistic medicine looks at the patient as a whole rather than just focusing on one aspect of his/her health.
Traditional medicine treats certain organs, systems, or diseases (e.g. the brain), while holistic medicines consider all aspects and the entire body. It also examines the effects of lifestyle choices on overall wellbeing.
What are alternative medicines?
Alternative medicine refers only to alternative treatments that are not considered to be effective in treating diseases. These include traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), homeopathy, chiropractic and acupuncture as well as nutritional therapy such like reiki.
Alternative medicine may also include practices that are not supported by scientific evidence but have been used with great success in clinical practice. You can use meditation, hypnosis and yoga to achieve this.
What is the distinction between alternative medicine (AM) and complementary medicine (CM)?
Alternative medicine refers to treatments not considered conventional by mainstream medical professionals but have been shown to provide benefits for certain conditions. You can find examples of acupuncture as homeopathy, aromatherapy or reflexology, traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), Ayurveda, and even naturopathy. Complementary medicines are therapies that can be used alongside traditional medicine. These may include dietary supplements, such as vitamins and minerals, herbs, enzymes, enzymes, probiotics or other natural substances.
Both forms of medicine may be used. However, most conventional doctors will not recommend them due either to insufficient evidence nor safety concerns.
The best way to integrate CAM into patient care is not a consensus among health care professionals.
Many CAM techniques are based in theories that have been around since thousands of years. Clinical trials conducted over the past two decades have shown that some of these treatments might be effective.
A number of studies suggest that acupuncture may be able to relieve pain. Preliminary data also show that acupuncture may help to reduce nausea and vomiting caused by chemotherapy. Studies have also shown that acupuncture may reduce symptoms of irritable-bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome.
Some CAM treatments may also have therapeutic potential for diseases such as HIV/AIDS, diabetes and asthma, heart disease, heart disease, hypertension or Alzheimer's disease.
Experts agree that CAM can help with many ailments, even though we still have a lot to learn about its effectiveness.
As a result, CAM practitioners are becoming more popular as a way to treat common illnesses.
Despite this popularity, many people still have questions about “alternatives” and “complementary” medicine.
Statistics
- An assessment of conventional treatments found that 41.3% concluded positive or possibly positive effects, 20% concluded no effect, 8.1% concluded net harmful effects, and 21.3% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING & TENSION-TYPE HEADADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed. The Effect of Foot reflexology on Hospital Anxiety, Depression and Suffering in Older Women: A Randomized Controlled Test – PubMed
doi.org
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The rise and rise in complementary and alternative medicine: A sociological perspective
- Holistic medicine – PubMed
nccih.nih.gov
- Statistics on Complementary Health Approaches and Integrative Healthcare
- Complementary, Alternative, or Integrative Health: What's In a Name? NCCIH
How To
What to look for in a qualified holistic doctor?
How to find a good doctor who specializes in holistic medicine?
The best doctors are those who specialize in the field they practice. We're talking about holistic medicine here. This means that doctors should be able to treat their patients holistically. It is important for them to understand how to treat the whole person, not just their symptoms. It is important for doctors to understand holistic health. This is why holistic doctors are so valuable.
The doctor should be able to understand holistic health as well as complementary and alternative therapies (CAM), such chiropractic care, massage therapy, and acupuncture.
Holistic healthcare practitioners should also have the ability to diagnose your condition, and then explain the options available so you can make an educated decision about your treatment options.
You should also ask if the doctor has certifications from professional organizations like the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork or the American Holistic Medical Association. NBOHMCA offers certification in many areas including naturopathic medicine and acupuncture, homeopathy as well as clinical nutrition, herbal therapy, aromatherapy, and clinical nutrition.
Check out our directory to find a holistic practitioner near you. If one is not listed, you can search online to find a holistic doctor close by.
To confirm if holistic healthcare is offered, contact your local hospital.
Visit your local library to find books and resources related to holistic health.
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This blog is a source of general information and discussion on health and related topics. Information and materials on this blog, on the website, or in any of the connected materials are not intended to replace or used as a substitute for the advice of a medical professional, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not represent the application of any nursing, medical or other health professional advice or diagnosis. We are unable to diagnose health conditions, offer second opinions or provide specific treatment recommendations via this blog or on our website.
If you or another person is suffering from a medical issue and you are concerned, consult your doctor or seek out other medical professional treatment as soon as possible. Do not disregard medical advice from a professional or delay seeking it due to information you seen on the blog or website or in any of the linked materials. If you're experiencing an emergency medical situation, dial 911 or seek emergency medical assistance on the closest phone immediately.
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By: Karoline
Title: The Boundaries That Protect Healthy Intimacy
Sourced From: lissarankin.com/the-boundaries-that-protect-healthy-intimacy/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-boundaries-that-protect-healthy-intimacy
Published Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2023 04:01:30 +0000
Frequently Asked Questions
What is holistic medicine's opposite?
Holistic medicine, a method of health care, considers all aspects, including the spiritual, emotional, and environmental aspects. It recognizes that each illness must have multiple causes, and therefore requires a combination or several treatments to be most effective.
Holistic medicine physicians believe prevention is better then cure. To achieve optimal wellness, holistic medicine doctors work closely alongside their patients.
They are trained to spot the root causes and prevent future disease. Holistic physicians consider the entire body and not merely the physical organs. They sometimes refer to “the whole body” as the entirety of their being.
This means that they go beyond skin care and treat the entire body holistically. The doctor might recommend lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise. He may also recommend yoga and meditation, herbal supplements or massage, acupuncture treatment, or alternative medicine.
Is holistic medicine safe to use?
Holistic Medicine is not as dangerous as you may think, but several risks are involved when using this treatment. The most common side effects include headaches, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, diarrhea, constipation, and insomnia. These side effects must be understood and weighed against the potential benefits of alternative treatments like acupuncture.
There have never been any cases of death related to holistic medicine.
Talk to your doctor before you begin any new treatment plan.
What is Alternative Medicine and How Does It Work?
This approach to healing focuses on prevention and not treatment. It also encourages people to become informed consumers actively engaged in improving their health and well-being.
Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.
What are the benefits to complementary and alternative medicine?
Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) refers to medical practices that are used by patients who do not feel they are receiving adequate care from allopathic medicine. These include homeopathy, herbal medicine, massage therapy and homeopathy. Traditional Chinese medicine, biofeedback, spiritual healing, chiropractic care, homeopathy, homeopathy, traditional Chinese medicine, traditional Chinese medicine, chiropractic care and other therapies. Because they don't fit within the traditional medical system of diagnosis or treatment, CAM practitioners often choose to use “alternative” treatments. Many CAM therapies incorporate elements from conventional medicine. For example, some forms of acupuncture are performed with needles, while others involve acupressure or moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies can help with anxiety, stress management, pain relief, relaxation, sleep disorders, insomnia, and stress management. They may also improve your general sense of well-being and reduce fatigue. Some CAM therapies address specific conditions like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel disease, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Other CAM therapies might be more enjoyable.
There is no singular definition of what constitutes “CAM”, but most definitions include at the very least one of these:
- A holistic perspective that looks at the whole person, including body, mind as well as spirit and environment.
- The belief that mind and body interact with each other and have an influence on one another
- The belief that illness can be caused by an imbalance in the environment or between the individual and his/her environment
- Focus on the whole person and not just the symptoms.
- Combination between Eastern philosophy and Western science
- Treatment methods that integrate mind, body, and spirit
- Natural products are better than synthetic chemicals
- Touch of healing
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
Certain CAM therapies have potential dangers, as well as their potential benefits. If used incorrectly, some therapies can cause severe harm or even death. Some therapies can have side effects that need to be considered in order to maximize their potential benefits. Before you make a decision about whether to try any CAM, it is important that you discuss the issues with your doctor.
What is the difference between traditional and holistic medicine?
Traditional medicine only treats symptoms. Holistic medicine treats the entire person. Holistic medicine looks at the patient as a whole rather than just focusing on one aspect of his/her health.
Traditional medicine treats certain organs, systems, or diseases (e.g. the brain), while holistic medicines consider all aspects and the entire body. It also examines the effects of lifestyle choices on overall wellbeing.
What are alternative medicines?
Alternative medicine refers only to alternative treatments that are not considered to be effective in treating diseases. These include traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), homeopathy, chiropractic and acupuncture as well as nutritional therapy such like reiki.
Alternative medicine may also include practices that are not supported by scientific evidence but have been used with great success in clinical practice. You can use meditation, hypnosis and yoga to achieve this.
What is the distinction between alternative medicine (AM) and complementary medicine (CM)?
Alternative medicine refers to treatments not considered conventional by mainstream medical professionals but have been shown to provide benefits for certain conditions. You can find examples of acupuncture as homeopathy, aromatherapy or reflexology, traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), Ayurveda, and even naturopathy. Complementary medicines are therapies that can be used alongside traditional medicine. These may include dietary supplements, such as vitamins and minerals, herbs, enzymes, enzymes, probiotics or other natural substances.
Both forms of medicine may be used. However, most conventional doctors will not recommend them due either to insufficient evidence nor safety concerns.
The best way to integrate CAM into patient care is not a consensus among health care professionals.
Many CAM techniques are based in theories that have been around since thousands of years. Clinical trials conducted over the past two decades have shown that some of these treatments might be effective.
A number of studies suggest that acupuncture may be able to relieve pain. Preliminary data also show that acupuncture may help to reduce nausea and vomiting caused by chemotherapy. Studies have also shown that acupuncture may reduce symptoms of irritable-bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome.
Some CAM treatments may also have therapeutic potential for diseases such as HIV/AIDS, diabetes and asthma, heart disease, heart disease, hypertension or Alzheimer's disease.
Experts agree that CAM can help with many ailments, even though we still have a lot to learn about its effectiveness.
As a result, CAM practitioners are becoming more popular as a way to treat common illnesses.
Despite this popularity, many people still have questions about “alternatives” and “complementary” medicine.
Statistics
- An assessment of conventional treatments found that 41.3% concluded positive or possibly positive effects, 20% concluded no effect, 8.1% concluded net harmful effects, and 21.3% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING & TENSION-TYPE HEADADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed. The Effect of Foot reflexology on Hospital Anxiety, Depression and Suffering in Older Women: A Randomized Controlled Test – PubMed
doi.org
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- PubMed: The rise and rise in complementary and alternative medicine: A sociological perspective
- Holistic medicine – PubMed
nccih.nih.gov
- Statistics on Complementary Health Approaches and Integrative Healthcare
- Complementary, Alternative, or Integrative Health: What's In a Name? NCCIH
How To
What to look for in a qualified holistic doctor?
How to find a good doctor who specializes in holistic medicine?
The best doctors are those who specialize in the field they practice. We're talking about holistic medicine here. This means that doctors should be able to treat their patients holistically. It is important for them to understand how to treat the whole person, not just their symptoms. It is important for doctors to understand holistic health. This is why holistic doctors are so valuable.
The doctor should be able to understand holistic health as well as complementary and alternative therapies (CAM), such chiropractic care, massage therapy, and acupuncture.
Holistic healthcare practitioners should also have the ability to diagnose your condition, and then explain the options available so you can make an educated decision about your treatment options.
You should also ask if the doctor has certifications from professional organizations like the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork or the American Holistic Medical Association. NBOHMCA offers certification in many areas including naturopathic medicine and acupuncture, homeopathy as well as clinical nutrition, herbal therapy, aromatherapy, and clinical nutrition.
Check out our directory to find a holistic practitioner near you. If one is not listed, you can search online to find a holistic doctor close by.
To confirm if holistic healthcare is offered, contact your local hospital.
Visit your local library to find books and resources related to holistic health.
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