The Devastating Effects of Contempt: A Closer Look at Contempt, Blanket Training, and Complex-PTSD

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Contempt Takes the Lead

In their groundbreaking work on marriages, couples therapists John and Julie Gottman identified four behaviors that can destroy relationships. These behaviors, known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Of these, contempt is considered the most dangerous behavior and the strongest predictor of divorce.

Contempt, as defined by the Oxford dictionary, is “the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.” It encompasses a range of negative emotions, including disgust, shaming, rage, dehumanization, and abject hatred.

Even reading the definition of contempt can evoke a cringe-worthy reaction. For me, it brings back memories of my mother’s mocking looks and harsh words when I failed to meet her expectations. It reminds me of the scowls and spit from a medical school professor during surgery when I couldn’t recall the name of an artery. It brings to mind the sarcastic barbs and verbal abuse from a former partner, followed by physical violence. And it triggers memories of online hate and threats when I advocated for public health measures during the pandemic.

Contempt has the power to dehumanize and disgust, making individuals feel worthless and inadequate for their mistakes or perceived shortcomings. It can have a devastating impact on relationships and personal well-being.

The Use of Contempt to Control Children

Contempt is not only harmful in adult relationships but can also be detrimental to children. Some parents, like my partner’s, use contempt as a means of coercive control. Growing up in a cult-like environment, my partner experienced contempt, shaming, verbal abuse, dehumanization, and corporal punishment as tools to “break his will” and enforce obedience.

These practices were part of the teachings of the cult, which were implemented in his family’s church and even in the local elementary school. Blanket training, a method described in the book “To Train Up a Child,” was used to break infants’ rebellious spirits and teach obedience at a young age.

In blanket training, infants are placed on a blanket and tempted with a toy just out of reach. If the child crosses the boundary of the blanket to reach the toy, they are punished. This technique conditions children to associate desire with punishment, suppresses curiosity and autonomy, and promotes learned helplessness.

Children subjected to contempt and blanket training are at risk of developing complex-PTSD, a condition characterized by the deepening of abandonment trauma, feelings of worthlessness, and learned helplessness. These individuals are more susceptible to being controlled and manipulated by narcissists.

Contempt in the Hospital

Contempt is not limited to family dynamics; it can also permeate professional settings. In hospitals, contemptuous behavior is often observed between doctors and nurses or between senior medical staff and medical students or residents. The presence of contempt in one area of life can easily spill over into other areas.

During my time as a medical practitioner, I witnessed numerous instances of contemptuous behavior. One incident involved a colleague screaming at a nurse, demanding absolute obedience. Another incident occurred when I, exhausted after delivering multiple high-risk pregnancies, lashed out at a teenage grocery store employee for a minor mistake.

These experiences made me realize that the hospital environment had become an abuse chamber, and I decided to leave the medical profession. Contemptuous behavior not only harms individuals but also erodes the trust and collaboration necessary for effective healthcare delivery.

Contemptuous Thoughts and Self-Compassion

Contempt can also manifest in our thoughts, even towards those we love. These contemptuous thoughts often arise from parts of ourselves seeking to assert dominance or gain power. However, it is important to acknowledge and contain these thoughts, as they can harm relationships and perpetuate cycles of abuse.

Additionally, contemptuous thoughts may emerge when we perceive others as incompetent or hindering our progress. In these moments, the task at hand may become more important than humanizing the person involved. However, shaming someone is unlikely to improve their competence and often triggers childhood wounds in those who experienced contempt during their upbringing.

Instead of harboring contempt and self-hat

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between Naturopathic Medicine and Holistic Medicine,

The two main types of medicine are conventional medicine and complementary/alternative medicine. Conventional medicine relies heavily on drugs and surgery to treat its patients. Complementary/Alternative Medicine (CAM) uses natural therapies such as herbs, vitamins, acupuncture, and massage to treat illness and promote health. CAM is not meant to replace conventional treatment, but to help patients who are able to choose what is best for them.

On the other hand, naturopathy is used to complement conventional medical practices. The whole person, mind and spirit are treated by naturopathy. There are many forms and types of naturopathy.

It is important for you to know that some CAM modalities can overlap with conventional medicine. For example, herbal remedies can be prescribed by doctors and naturopaths alike. But, naturopaths are more concerned with lifestyle changes than prescribing medications.

Naturopathy is sometimes called “complementary” since it complements traditional medicine and does not replace it. Naturopaths may prescribe medication when needed.

There are differences between naturopathic medicine and other CAM modalities:

Naturopaths are not qualified to prescribe or diagnose medication.
Naturopaths may work alongside the patient’s family doctor and may refer patients to specialists if needed.
Naturopathic physicians are licensed by their respective provinces, while CAM practitioners are selfregulated.
Naturopathy stresses prevention and wellness, while offering education on diet and exercise.
Naturopaths are very conscious of lifestyle factors. They emphasize nutrition, sleep and stress management as well as exercise and mental health.
Naturopharmacists can use botanicals and mineral to treat specific conditions.
Naturopodists are skilled in providing personalized care that meets the needs of each patient.
Regulation bodies such as the College of Naturopathic Physicians of Ontario issue licenses to Naturopaths.
Provincial regulatory bodies license naturopatrists.
Naturopaticians can be registered with the Canadian Association of Naturopathic Doctors.
Naturotherapists are licensed by the College of Naturopaths of British Columbia.
The United States National Board of Medical Examiners accredits Naturobiotic therapists.
The Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency entitles homeopaths.
The belief that all aspects should be considered in making health decisions is called “holistic”. Holistic doctors will consider these elements together instead of focusing only on one aspect.

What types of treatments aren’t considered holistic medicine?

Holistic medicine focuses on the whole person as a healing approach, rather than just the symptoms. It aids in the recovery of illness by promoting good health and preventing future ones.

Holistic medicine is a natural alternative to drugs and surgery.

Holistic medicine encompasses lifestyle changes, such as diet, exercise, meditation, yoga and breathing exercises.

Integrative medicine is also known as holistic medicine. It integrates all aspects, including the patient’s spiritual, mental, and physical needs, into a single comprehensive care plan.

Holistic medicine emphasizes early detection and prevention of disease, and promotes healthy lifestyles.

Holistic doctors believe there is no one cause for every condition. They look at the whole picture and consider genetic, environmental, lifestyle, and personal factors.

Holistic practitioners place more emphasis on the mind, emotions and spirit than the body.

Holistic physicians work closely with their patients to determine what will best meet their individual needs.

Is holistic healthcare the same thing as alternative medicine?

Holistic Health Care stands out from Alternative Medicine as it focuses on the whole person and not just the symptoms.

Holistic Health Care considers all aspects of a person’s life including their mental, physical and emotional health, as well as occupational, cultural, social, and familial factors.

Alternative Medicine doesn’t address such issues. It focuses solely on the body, mind, emotions, etc.

Statistics

According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)
category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)

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How To

What are the 4 types of complementary or alternative medicine?

The main four categories of CAM include mind-body medicines, natural products and manipulative therapy. Mind-body medicine includes yoga, meditation, Tai Chi, Reiki, acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractic care, homeopathy, aromatherapy, reflexology, naturopathy, biofeedback, hypnosis, and herbalism. Natural products can include herbs, vitamins and minerals, dietary supplement, and botanicals. Manipulative therapy includes physical manipulation, such as chiropractic and osteopathic care, acupuncture and therapeutic exercise. You can also use prayer and visualization to help you heal your energy.

CAM can be used to describe a range of alternative health practices, which are not part of the traditional Western medical model. These practices can be supported by scientific evidence, or they may involve surgery. They also vary in terms of the conditions they treat. Some CAM doctors also provide diagnostic testing (e.g. Blood tests) and can prescribe medication. Some do both.

In addition to these four primary categories, there are many subcategories within each category. Mind-body medicine is comprised of relaxation techniques, mindfulness, guided imagery and self-hypnosis. There are also deep breathing exercises, meditations, progressive muscle relaxation, stress management, biofeedback and visualization. Natural products include nutritional supplements, botanical remedies, homeopathic remedies and essential oils. Manual, movement, traction and electrotherapies are all forms of manipulative therapy. They include cupping, stretching and myofascial release. Trigger point therapy, orthotics, neurostimulation, trigger point therapy, manuals, trigger points, trigger point therapy, orthopedics. There are many spiritual healing options, such as faith healing and prayer within energy healing.

Many CAM treatments help symptoms without addressing the cause of the disease. Some chronic diseases may be treated with CAM. If used appropriately, CAM can complement conventional treatment options.

There are many good reasons to use CAM.

To improve their overall well being.
To manage a condition.
To relieve pain or discomfort.
To prevent illness.
To promote wellness.
To address a personal belief.

Some people turn to CAM because it offers more control over their health than conventional medicine. It may have fewer side effects. Others opt for CAM to avoid prescription medication. Some prefer not taking prescription medications if at all possible. Some people seek out CAM to avoid having to repeat the same mistakes they had with traditional medicine.

People who use CAM often say that they want to know the basics of what they are doing before trying anything new. Many CAM users are concerned about the safety and effectiveness. Others rely on word of mouth from friends and family members.

Although CAM may be seen as a negative thing in society, most people who use it report positive feelings. People who use CAM are healthier and happier than those that don’t. This is true regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, income, education level, occupation, insurance status, or other factors.

The majority of Americans use some form of complementary and alternative medicine. 95% or more of adult Americans have used some type of CAM in their lives. According to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH), approximately 40 million visits were made to CAM providers in 2010 alone.

The NCCIH estimates that 10 percent of the U.S. population uses chiropractors, massage therapists, acupuncturists, naturopaths, and/or osteopaths.3 By comparison, only 2 percent of the population uses medical doctors.

The American Medical Association renewed its support for integrative medicines in 2013. It acknowledged that integrative medicine should be integrated into the clinical practice of physicians to best meet the needs and expectations of patients.

The Institute of Medicine published a landmark document in 2007 called “Relaxing Contraints: Improving Access To Complementary and Alternative Healthcare.” This report stated that there is no evidence that any specific CAM intervention is capable of curing, preventing, or treating cancer.

CAM continues to gain popularity despite this finding. The 2008 number of CAM practitioners increased 8 percent compared with 2007.

A recent study showed that nearly half of respondents had used CAM to supplement their primary care.

CAM therapies encompass natural products, mind-body techniques, manipulative strategies, energy healing modalities and exercise.

Many CAM therapies are used primarily for pain relief; however, many also offer other benefits, such as relaxation, improved mood, better sleep, reduced stress, and enhanced immunity.

For example, acupuncture can help relieve chronic back pain, reduce anxiety and depression, improve immune function, promote weight loss and improve menstrual symptoms.

Many CAM treatments draw on Ayurvedic and Chinese traditional medicine. These roots can be traced back thousands of decades.

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), which originated in China 5,000 years back, has been practiced in China ever since.

TCM is an important component of modern health care.

Today, it’s estimated that more than 70 percent of people in the United States rely on TCM for treatment.

Another popular CAM therapy is yoga. Yoga was founded in India approximately 5000 B.C. and is now embraced worldwide.

Yoga has gained popularity due to its physical, mental, as well as spiritual benefits.

Yoga can ease stress, improve flexibility and increase strength.

Although there is limited scientific research, yoga seems to have positive effects on sleep33 and may be helpful for those suffering from insomnia.

Other CAM therapies are also gaining acceptance in mainstream medicine, including meditation, homeopathy, and aromatherapy.

One of the most used types of CAM is herbal medicine.

Herbal medicines are made up of herbs, spices flowers, seeds fruits, nuts, bark, leaves and roots.

They are often considered safer options to pharmaceutical drugs, and they are widely used by customers.

The U.S. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health estimates that about 90 million Americans use some form of complementary/alternative medicine.

The American Cancer Society reports that 45% (or more) of those diagnosed with cancer have used alternative medicines during their illness.

The National Institutes of Health has estimated that 60% of patients with breast cancer use CAM. And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that around 50% of all cancer survivors reported using CAM.

According to a recent study 51% of cancer survivors used at least one type CAM.

Only 8% of these people discussed the use of this medication with their doctors.

This communication gap between conventional medical providers, CAM users and traditional doctors is a major problem in healthcare delivery.

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