When my father was in his eighties, he experienced ongoing numbness in his feet due to neuropathy. His legs stopped working well and he had difficulty getting around even with a walker. Simply trying left him exhausted. But he believed there was a cure. So when his cardiologist recommended heart valve surgery, he convinced himself the surgery would improve his legs, too.
His trusted, long-time dermatologist told him, “Your life will not be the same if you go through with this surgery.” My sister, a nurse, and I also explained the risks. To all of our dismay, dad went ahead with the operation.
No surgery is minor or routine for a patient in their eighties. After my father’s surgery, he was never as strong mentally or physically again. In what is known as the “flat affect” that can result from medications and anesthesia, he seemed to lose a lot of his spark and developed a lingering vacant look. Sadly, none of his mobility or stamina problems improved.
Yet, aside from making our cases about the surgery’s risks, those of us who were close to him did not try to control his actions or impose our will.
From my 40 years of experience as a care manager to older adults, I know all too well that most efforts to control aging parents’ behavior are met by resistance. Time and again I’ve seen my clients try to protect their parents from countless potential dangers: driving when their eyesight and reflexes are not what they used to be, climbing ladders to clean out the gutter of their home, keeping—and eating—expired food in the fridge. These things happen. All the time.
So do lifestyle changes affecting older loved ones’ health and fitness that younger generations wish they could fix. Refrains like “stand up straight, mom,” “let’s go to the gym together,” “try walking three times a day,” and “what if you got meals delivered?” are all too common. But adults in their Fragile Years resist attempts by their children to help them stay healthy and safe because they fear help is a sign that the end of life is approaching and that they’re no longer in control.
Watching a parent who was once strong, upright, and clear-thinking diminish is painful and sad. And trying to get the parent to not decline, and to stay clear of dangers, is a normal response. But when is—or isn’t—it the right thing to do?
I’m a firm believer that it’s best for adult children to give up any thought of “controlling” their aging parents, even if this means allowing them to make bad decisions. Trying to control them will ultimately prove as futile as telling kids what to do over and over again. Instead, my advice is to work with them to help them feel more comfortable with assistance and advice.
Navigating this process takes patience and skill. Here are a few steps I recommend, from my experience as both a professional caregiver and a daughter:
Get involved early in the game. For years I made trips once or twice a year from my home in Florida to visit and stay with my dad in Michigan. He would also come visit me in Florida each winter. This ongoing involvement helped him trust me and open up more about his condition as he grew older. In contrast, I was once assessing an older woman on her daughter’s request, and the woman said to me “my daughter thinks I am dying, doesn’t she?” The daughter hadn’t visited in three years. Her sudden involvement was a red flag. If you are involved on a regular basis over the years, your presence and support will not be alarming, and your parent will be more inclined to cooperate with your initiatives rather than resist.
Spend some extended periods of time with your parent. During one of his trips to Florida, my dad did not want to play golf—one of his all-me favorite activities. Because I had spent extended stretches of time with him, I knew this was unusual. In his book My Mother, Your Mother, Dr. Dennis McCullough lays out a 72-hour visit concept encouraging adult children to spend time with their parents over extended periods of time. No judgment, no convincing them to do anything; just be there. You can observe, get a better sense of your parent’s capacities, and build trust.
Just listen—and don’t try to fix anything. When my dad said he didn’t want to play golf, I simply listened, refraining from trying to troubleshoot or offer solutions. This helped me gain valuable information about his condition, and reinforced for him the notion that my presence was a safe place for him to talk about the changes he was experiencing – laying the groundwork for me to better assess new situations as they arose.
Proceed slowly. When it came to talking about touchy subjects such as money or my father’s medications, I found it best to start by testing the waters. I’d make a comment in passing and see how he reacted. If a conversation started, I would not push to take it further than my father was ready for. Ratcheting down and going slowly can allow you to seek solutions that are small in size and build from there.
Pick your battles: Looking back, there is only one battle I would have fought if needed: the decision to move my father into a nursing home. Fortunately for us, it wasn’t necessary: my father took that initiative on his own.
I’m certain that letting my father make his own decisions—no matter how bad they seemed—was the best choice I could have made for our relationship and quality of life. Our relationship remained steady and affectionate throughout his fragile years, and my family and I had the gift of accompanying him lovingly to a peaceful end-of-life.
Amy Cameron O’Rourke is a nationally-known pioneer and advocate for senior care in the U.S. A professional care manager with over 40 years of experience, she is founder and president of The Cameron Group: Aging Life Care Services in Orlando, Florida and author of The Fragile Years.
The post Why Letting My Aging Father Make Bad Decisions Was A Very Good Decision appeared first on Alternative Medicine Magazine.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 Alternative medical systems?
Ayurveda acupuncture and homeopathy are the five alternative medical systems.
Acupuncture employs fine needles to stimulate the flow qi (energy) throughout your body.
Ayurvedic Medicine refers to an ancient system that balances three of the most important elements of health care: water, fire and air. It can be used to help with diet, exercise, herbs, massage, and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine takes its name from the Greek words homoios, similar, and pathos, meaning disease. Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They prescribe small doses of substances to treat symptoms similar to those that are experienced when a person is ill.
Energy Healing can also refer to Reiki, EFT and Rolfing. This therapy is based upon the belief that all of us are connected to a universal force of life called Ki. When this Ki flows freely through us, we feel well. To restore harmony and balance between our spiritual, physical, and emotional selves, energy healers use touch and intention.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils derived from plants for therapeutic reasons. Aromatherapists believe certain smells can have a positive effect on mood and behavior. Lavender essential oil is used most often in aromatherapy.
What treatments are not included in holistic medicine?
Holistic medicine is a way to heal that examines the whole person instead of just the symptoms. It aids in the recovery of illness by promoting good health and preventing future ones.
Holistic medicine relies on natural remedies such homeopathy, herbs, and acupuncture to replace drugs and surgery.
Holistic medicine involves lifestyle changes such diet, exercise and yoga.
Holistic medicine can also be called integrative medicine. It integrates all aspects that a patient needs to achieve a comprehensive care plan.
Holistic medicine emphasizes early detection and prevention of disease, and promotes healthy lifestyles.
Holistic doctors believe that there is no single cause for any given condition. Instead, holistic doctors consider the whole picture, including genetics, environment, lifestyle choices and personal habits.
Holistic practitioners focus more on the mind, emotions, and spirit than on the body alone.
Holistic physicians work closely with their patients to determine what will best meet their individual needs.
What are the five domains of integrative medical care?
The five domains that make up integrative medicine are mind-body (nutrition, social determinants), lifestyle, and prevention. These five areas cover all aspects of health care including spiritual, physical, and environmental well being.
Integrative medicine provides a comprehensive approach to the treatment of disease, health, and well-being. It encompasses both conventional medical treatments as well as complementary therapies like acupuncture and yoga, meditation and massage therapy.
What are some of the benefits of complementary or alternative medicine?
Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) refers to medical practices that are used by patients who do not feel they are receiving adequate care from allopathic medicine. These include herbal medicines and mind-body therapies, such as acupuncture or massage therapy, homeopathy (traditional Chinese medicine), chiropractic care, biofeedback and hypnosis. Because they are not part of the standard medical treatment system, CAM practitioners will often recommend alternative therapies. Many CAM treatments also include elements of traditional medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies can help with anxiety, stress management, pain relief, relaxation, sleep disorders, insomnia, and stress management. They can improve your well-being, reduce fatigue, and may even help you feel more energetic. Some CAM therapies target specific conditions, such fibromyalgia. Others CAM therapies could be simply enjoyable.
There is no definitive definition of CAM. However, most definitions include at a minimum one of the following:
- A holistic perspective which considers both body and mind, as well the environment.
- The belief that mind and body interact with each other and have an influence on one another
- It is believed that illness is caused by an imbalance between the environment and the person.
- The whole person is treated, not just the symptoms
- Combination of Eastern philosophy with Western science
- The best treatment methods integrate mind, spirit, and body
- Use of natural products instead of synthetic chemicals
- Healing touch
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
There are potential risks to certain CAM therapies, in addition to the potential benefits. Incorrectly used, certain CAM therapies could cause serious harm and even death. Some may have side effects that should be weighed against the potential benefits. If you are considering using any CAM, discuss these issues with your doctor before deciding whether to try them.
Statistics
- category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
cam.cancer.gov
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING AND TENSION-TYPE HEADACHE – PubMed
- A Randomized controlled trial to determine the effect of foot reflexology on depression and anxiety in older women: PubMed
doi.org
liebertpub.com
- Games for Health Journal – Mary Ann Liebert, Inc., publishers
- The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine.
How To
How to make a career in Holistic Medicine
The field of holistic medicine is growing at an unprecedented rate. You can choose to pursue this career in many ways. However, returning to school is probably the best way to do it if you want to commit to this profession.
Several schools offer courses in holistic medicine. One of these schools is the National College for Complementary Medicines, which offers both undergraduate degrees and postgraduate programs. Many programs are available for medical professionals wishing to enter the field.
In addition, numerous online universities are offering holistic health classes as well. The Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN) is an example of such a program. This college provides students with many holistic health education tools.
You can also enroll in a four-year college. Many colleges now offer holistic courses. A Bachelor’s Degree is offered by the University of California in Holistic Health Sciences.
You should take a nutrition course if you want to pursue a career in holistic medicine. NCCM recommends that all students take nutrition courses before embarking on professional training. According to them, integrative medicine practitioners need to have a solid understanding of nutrition science.
Because holistic medicine focuses on treating the whole person rather than just focusing on symptoms, it requires more knowledge and skill than conventional medicine does. Holistic medicine will require that holistic practitioners understand how to evaluate various types of illness from an interdisciplinary perspective.
The NCCM states that nutritionists often work in conjunction with doctors to provide advice on diet to their patients. Some will even suggest supplements or diets based on the patient’s specific condition.
Holistic practitioners need to be able to understand basic nutrition principles. This includes knowing what foods are healthy and what ones aren’t. It is also about identifying nutrient deficiencies as well as other problems that may cause them.
It is important to remember that holistic practitioners do not specialize in nutrition. Some focus mainly on herbal treatments, while others concentrate solely on acupuncture. Still, others combine these two approaches into one treatment method.
However, most holistic practitioners recommend a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and grains. They encourage eating plenty of seafood and fish. They suggest avoiding processed foods and fast food restaurants. Instead, they recommend eating organic produce whenever possible.
One thing that holistic practitioners agree upon is that a balanced diet will help prevent disease. That said, there are some things about which they disagree. For example, they do not believe that gluten causes celiac. They think that the disorder can be triggered by a lack or nutrients.
However, they are all in agreement that allergic reactions can occur with certain foods. For example, they say that shellfish and peanuts cause anaphylaxis. They warn against too much caffeine.
Although many holistic practitioners may use herbs to treat various ailments, they prefer not to use pharmaceutical drugs. This is because they feel that such substances only mask the problem instead of solving it. They prefer natural remedies whenever possible.
Holistic practitioners are not only able to offer alternative therapies but also employ many complementary methods. These include:
- Acupuncture is a form of Chinese medicine that involves strategically placing needles in the skin. It is believed that this stimulates our body’s healing ability.
- Herbal therapy- Holistic practitioners use herbs to treat many disorders in addition to acupuncture. Ginseng, a popular herb for this purpose, is one of the most common.
- Homeopathy – Another type of traditional Chinese medicine is homeopathy. It’s based on similar cures. Let’s say you experience the same symptoms as someone suffering from a specific illness. If this happens, it is important to seek out a remedy that contains the exact same ingredients as the original substance.
- Massage Therapy – Many holistic professionals offer massage therapy to help you relax and reduce stress. They claim that massage therapy can improve blood circulation and energy levels as well as ease muscle tension.
You should make sure that the practitioner you choose meets your needs. Look for someone who is trained in nutrition counseling if you are looking for someone who is certified in that area. A practitioner who has been certified by American Association of Oriental Medicine will also be able to teach you more about acupuncture.
Before making any decisions about holistic health, consult your doctor. It is also a good idea to talk to your insurance company to find out which services are covered.
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This blog is a source of general information and discussion on health and related topics. Information and materials on this blog, on the website, or in any of the connected materials are not intended to replace or used as a substitute for the advice of a medical professional, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not represent the application of any nursing, medical or other health professional advice or diagnosis. We are unable to diagnose health conditions, offer second opinions or provide specific treatment recommendations via this blog or on our website.
If you or another person is suffering from a medical issue and you are concerned, consult your doctor or seek out other medical professional treatment as soon as possible. Do not disregard medical advice from a professional or delay seeking it due to information you seen on the blog or website or in any of the linked materials. If you’re experiencing an emergency medical situation, dial 911 or seek emergency medical assistance on the closest phone immediately.
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By: Dick Benson
Title: Why Letting My Aging Father Make Bad Decisions Was A Very Good Decision
Sourced From: alternativemedicine.com/aging/why-letting-my-aging-father-make-bad-decisions-was-a-very-good-decision/
Published Date: Sat, 09 Sep 2023 15:59:38 +0000
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 Alternative medical systems?
Ayurveda acupuncture and homeopathy are the five alternative medical systems.
Acupuncture employs fine needles to stimulate the flow qi (energy) throughout your body.
Ayurvedic Medicine refers to an ancient system that balances three of the most important elements of health care: water, fire and air. It can be used to help with diet, exercise, herbs, massage, and meditation.
Homeopathic Medicine takes its name from the Greek words homoios, similar, and pathos, meaning disease. Homeopaths believe every disease has natural causes. But not all symptoms. They prescribe small doses of substances to treat symptoms similar to those that are experienced when a person is ill.
Energy Healing can also refer to Reiki, EFT and Rolfing. This therapy is based upon the belief that all of us are connected to a universal force of life called Ki. When this Ki flows freely through us, we feel well. To restore harmony and balance between our spiritual, physical, and emotional selves, energy healers use touch and intention.
Aromatherapy uses essential oils derived from plants for therapeutic reasons. Aromatherapists believe certain smells can have a positive effect on mood and behavior. Lavender essential oil is used most often in aromatherapy.
What treatments are not included in holistic medicine?
Holistic medicine is a way to heal that examines the whole person instead of just the symptoms. It aids in the recovery of illness by promoting good health and preventing future ones.
Holistic medicine relies on natural remedies such homeopathy, herbs, and acupuncture to replace drugs and surgery.
Holistic medicine involves lifestyle changes such diet, exercise and yoga.
Holistic medicine can also be called integrative medicine. It integrates all aspects that a patient needs to achieve a comprehensive care plan.
Holistic medicine emphasizes early detection and prevention of disease, and promotes healthy lifestyles.
Holistic doctors believe that there is no single cause for any given condition. Instead, holistic doctors consider the whole picture, including genetics, environment, lifestyle choices and personal habits.
Holistic practitioners focus more on the mind, emotions, and spirit than on the body alone.
Holistic physicians work closely with their patients to determine what will best meet their individual needs.
What are the five domains of integrative medical care?
The five domains that make up integrative medicine are mind-body (nutrition, social determinants), lifestyle, and prevention. These five areas cover all aspects of health care including spiritual, physical, and environmental well being.
Integrative medicine provides a comprehensive approach to the treatment of disease, health, and well-being. It encompasses both conventional medical treatments as well as complementary therapies like acupuncture and yoga, meditation and massage therapy.
What are some of the benefits of complementary or alternative medicine?
Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) refers to medical practices that are used by patients who do not feel they are receiving adequate care from allopathic medicine. These include herbal medicines and mind-body therapies, such as acupuncture or massage therapy, homeopathy (traditional Chinese medicine), chiropractic care, biofeedback and hypnosis. Because they are not part of the standard medical treatment system, CAM practitioners will often recommend alternative therapies. Many CAM treatments also include elements of traditional medicine. Some forms of acupuncture use needles while others use acupressure and moxibustion with heat.
Some CAM therapies can help with anxiety, stress management, pain relief, relaxation, sleep disorders, insomnia, and stress management. They can improve your well-being, reduce fatigue, and may even help you feel more energetic. Some CAM therapies target specific conditions, such fibromyalgia. Others CAM therapies could be simply enjoyable.
There is no definitive definition of CAM. However, most definitions include at a minimum one of the following:
- A holistic perspective which considers both body and mind, as well the environment.
- The belief that mind and body interact with each other and have an influence on one another
- It is believed that illness is caused by an imbalance between the environment and the person.
- The whole person is treated, not just the symptoms
- Combination of Eastern philosophy with Western science
- The best treatment methods integrate mind, spirit, and body
- Use of natural products instead of synthetic chemicals
- Healing touch
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Acupuncture
- Yoga
- Herbal remedies
- Homeopathy
- Chiropractic care
- Massage therapy
- Hypnotherapy
- Spiritual healing
- Biofeedback
- Nutritional counseling
- Energy healing
There are potential risks to certain CAM therapies, in addition to the potential benefits. Incorrectly used, certain CAM therapies could cause serious harm and even death. Some may have side effects that should be weighed against the potential benefits. If you are considering using any CAM, discuss these issues with your doctor before deciding whether to try them.
Statistics
- category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- In 83% of the cases, the readers agreed. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
cam.cancer.gov
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING AND TENSION-TYPE HEADACHE – PubMed
- A Randomized controlled trial to determine the effect of foot reflexology on depression and anxiety in older women: PubMed
doi.org
liebertpub.com
- Games for Health Journal – Mary Ann Liebert, Inc., publishers
- The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine.
How To
How to make a career in Holistic Medicine
The field of holistic medicine is growing at an unprecedented rate. You can choose to pursue this career in many ways. However, returning to school is probably the best way to do it if you want to commit to this profession.
Several schools offer courses in holistic medicine. One of these schools is the National College for Complementary Medicines, which offers both undergraduate degrees and postgraduate programs. Many programs are available for medical professionals wishing to enter the field.
In addition, numerous online universities are offering holistic health classes as well. The Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN) is an example of such a program. This college provides students with many holistic health education tools.
You can also enroll in a four-year college. Many colleges now offer holistic courses. A Bachelor’s Degree is offered by the University of California in Holistic Health Sciences.
You should take a nutrition course if you want to pursue a career in holistic medicine. NCCM recommends that all students take nutrition courses before embarking on professional training. According to them, integrative medicine practitioners need to have a solid understanding of nutrition science.
Because holistic medicine focuses on treating the whole person rather than just focusing on symptoms, it requires more knowledge and skill than conventional medicine does. Holistic medicine will require that holistic practitioners understand how to evaluate various types of illness from an interdisciplinary perspective.
The NCCM states that nutritionists often work in conjunction with doctors to provide advice on diet to their patients. Some will even suggest supplements or diets based on the patient’s specific condition.
Holistic practitioners need to be able to understand basic nutrition principles. This includes knowing what foods are healthy and what ones aren’t. It is also about identifying nutrient deficiencies as well as other problems that may cause them.
It is important to remember that holistic practitioners do not specialize in nutrition. Some focus mainly on herbal treatments, while others concentrate solely on acupuncture. Still, others combine these two approaches into one treatment method.
However, most holistic practitioners recommend a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and grains. They encourage eating plenty of seafood and fish. They suggest avoiding processed foods and fast food restaurants. Instead, they recommend eating organic produce whenever possible.
One thing that holistic practitioners agree upon is that a balanced diet will help prevent disease. That said, there are some things about which they disagree. For example, they do not believe that gluten causes celiac. They think that the disorder can be triggered by a lack or nutrients.
However, they are all in agreement that allergic reactions can occur with certain foods. For example, they say that shellfish and peanuts cause anaphylaxis. They warn against too much caffeine.
Although many holistic practitioners may use herbs to treat various ailments, they prefer not to use pharmaceutical drugs. This is because they feel that such substances only mask the problem instead of solving it. They prefer natural remedies whenever possible.
Holistic practitioners are not only able to offer alternative therapies but also employ many complementary methods. These include:
- Acupuncture is a form of Chinese medicine that involves strategically placing needles in the skin. It is believed that this stimulates our body’s healing ability.
- Herbal therapy- Holistic practitioners use herbs to treat many disorders in addition to acupuncture. Ginseng, a popular herb for this purpose, is one of the most common.
- Homeopathy – Another type of traditional Chinese medicine is homeopathy. It’s based on similar cures. Let’s say you experience the same symptoms as someone suffering from a specific illness. If this happens, it is important to seek out a remedy that contains the exact same ingredients as the original substance.
- Massage Therapy – Many holistic professionals offer massage therapy to help you relax and reduce stress. They claim that massage therapy can improve blood circulation and energy levels as well as ease muscle tension.
You should make sure that the practitioner you choose meets your needs. Look for someone who is trained in nutrition counseling if you are looking for someone who is certified in that area. A practitioner who has been certified by American Association of Oriental Medicine will also be able to teach you more about acupuncture.
Before making any decisions about holistic health, consult your doctor. It is also a good idea to talk to your insurance company to find out which services are covered.
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