After my divorce from the father of my now 18-year old daughter, I hoped to find a relationship with someone who was willing to go the distance with me. I’d met people who claimed to be up for personal or spiritual growth, but when the rubber met the road and we entered the real birth canal of transformation, they’d bail. And I’d understand. I really would. Because facing both your glory and your shadow in the mirror of another person is no joke.
The Challenge of Intimacy
When you allow yourself to be truly seen and known at the deepest levels of intimacy, it can feel terrifying, especially for those for whom intimacy is both our greatest longing and our biggest fear.
Overcoming Roadblocks
Every person I tried to get involved with had their singular road block, the one traumatized area they just weren’t going to touch. And because those areas wound up impacting me, I’d inevitably get too intrusive, trying to bust down walls without adequate consent, which never goes well and really isn’t fair. I’d feel so lonely, bumping up against those walls, but until my current partnership, there was only cursory interest in going to therapy alongside me, to work through those walls- together.
The Power of Seeking
My current partner has a superpower. Since his fiance in college died in a car crash and he went to therapy to process his grief, he’s been a relentless seeker, more devoted to the truth than to avoidance of pain. That seeking led him to attend Princeton seminary and then medical school, landing him at Cambridge Hospital as the chief psychiatry resident under the pioneering leadership of Judy Herman, the author of Trauma & Recovery. He got led astray by some New Age wanderings under the guidance of some questionable gurus but found his way back to the field of traumatology and his own healing path.
Commitment to Healing
When we first met at a trauma conference we were both keynoting 5 ½ years ago, our first vulnerable conversation laid the foundation for the commitment to healing through relationship we now have. We started couples therapy before we ever became lovers, so we’ve had good support from some of the best relationship experts on the planet. But it has not been a cakewalk.
Challenges and Rewards
Our commitment has been, first and foremost, that we are allies in each other’s healing- without any agenda other than that. Our commitment is to healing through relationship, caring for each other’s wellbeing without throwing our own parts under the bus, rewiring neural pathways and breaking old patterns, whether the romantic partnership works out or not. Because of my partner’s severe trauma history (with an ACE score of 8 and nearly every developmental trauma one can have), the dance of intimacy has been painful.
Up the Mountain of Intimacy
I liken it to climbing Mt. Everest. For the first two years of our relationship, I felt like I was standing in Kathmandu, looking up at the great mountain, marveling at how tall it is, but also very aware of how risky and hard it would be to try to climb it.
Progress and Growth
Things have gotten easier lately. He says it’s because he’s finally starting to trust me, after 5 ½ years of knowing me and seeing how I treat him- and others. The paranoia that casts me as the villain any time I try to get close to him seems to be easing off, replaced with something sweet and young and tender-hearted.
The Journey Forward
We’ve learned a few things along the way and are teaching a Zoom workshop together Healing Through Relationship January 4-5. We want to share with anyone else trying to climb Mt. Everest together some tools, practices, and insights we’ve learned that have helped us grow and deepen in our capacity for love and intimacy, with our own parts and with each other.
If you’re hoping to develop more intimate connection, safety, vulnerability, and growth in any of your relationships- with your partner, with your bestie, with your kids or your parents or siblings, if the pursuit of this kind of healing intimacy is your chosen spiritual path or personal growth quest, we welcome you to join us for HEALING THROUGH RELATIONSHIP.
May your holidays be joyful and real.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who uses holistic healing?
Holistic medicine is a holistic approach to healthcare that treats the whole person, not just specific symptoms. It considers both the mental, and physical aspects.
Holistic medicine encompasses acupuncture and massage therapy, chiropractic treatment as well as nutritional counseling, yoga and other complementary therapies.
Holistic medicine is for people who have been diagnosed as having cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and depression.
Is holistic medicine safe to use?
Holistic Medicine is not as dangerous as you may think, but several risks are involved when using this treatment. Side effects most commonly include headaches and nausea. Patients must understand these risks and weigh them against the benefits of alternative treatments such as acupuncture.
There are no cases of death from holistic medicine.
Always consult your doctor before beginning any new treatment plan.
Complementary and Alternative Healthcare – Is it Evidence-based
Although the evidence base for alternative and complementary medicine is still in flux, there are many reasons people choose them. You might have tried traditional treatments and found them ineffective. Or you may be looking for an alternative treatment because it has more benefits than conventional care. Alternately, they may look into complementary and alternative medicine as part of a holistic approach for health. Always verify with your doctor that the scientific backing of any complementary or alternative medicines you use is supported. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you are unsure if a treatment is effective. It will save you time and money over the long-term.
Statistics
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING AND TENSION-TYPE HEADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed: Randomized controlled trial examining the effects of foot reflexology on hospital anxiety and depression in female older adults.
doi.org
liebertpub.com
- Games for Health Journal – Mary Ann Liebert, Inc., publishers
- The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine: Systematic Review of Randomized Controlled Trials on Acupuncture to Treat Insomnia
cam.cancer.gov
How To
What should you look for in a holistic doctor?
How can you find a qualified doctor who is skilled in holistic medicine?
Only those who are experts in their field can be the best doctors. We are referring to holistic medicine in this instance. This means doctors need to be able treat patients holistically. They must also know how to treat each patient as an individual and not just their symptoms. You should be able to explain your holistic health to them and why you would like to see a holistic physician.
Doctors should not only be knowledgeable about holistic health but also have an understanding of alternative and complementary therapies (CAM), such acupuncture and chiropractic care as well as yoga and massage therapy.
Holistic health practitioners will also be able, in most cases, to diagnose and discuss your condition.
Ask if your doctor is certified by professional organizations such as the American Holistic Medical Association or the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork. NBOHMCA is a certification body that offers certifications in many areas of medicine, including naturopathic and acupuncture as well homeopathy, clinical nutrition, herbs, and aromatherapy.
You can search our directory for holistic practitioners in your local area. If one is not listed, you can search online to find a holistic doctor close by.
Contact your local hospital or medical center to confirm whether they offer holistic healthcare.
Your local library has books and resources that can help you with holistic health.
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This blog is a source of general information and discussion on health and related topics. Information and materials on this blog, on the website, or in any of the connected materials are not intended to replace or used as a substitute for the advice of a medical professional, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not represent the application of any nursing, medical or other health professional advice or diagnosis. We are unable to diagnose health conditions, offer second opinions or provide specific treatment recommendations via this blog or on our website.
If you or another person is suffering from a medical issue and you are concerned, consult your doctor or seek out other medical professional treatment as soon as possible. Do not disregard medical advice from a professional or delay seeking it due to information you seen on the blog or website or in any of the linked materials. If you're experiencing an emergency medical situation, dial 911 or seek emergency medical assistance on the closest phone immediately.
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By: Nicolay Kreidler
Title: Healing Through Relationship: Climbing Mt. Everest of Intimacy
Sourced From: lissarankin.com/pursuing-a-healing-partnership-is-like-climbing-mount-everest/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=pursuing-a-healing-partnership-is-like-climbing-mount-everest
Published Date: Sun, 22 Dec 2024 14:00:06 +0000
Frequently Asked Questions
Who uses holistic healing?
Holistic medicine is a holistic approach to healthcare that treats the whole person, not just specific symptoms. It considers both the mental, and physical aspects.
Holistic medicine encompasses acupuncture and massage therapy, chiropractic treatment as well as nutritional counseling, yoga and other complementary therapies.
Holistic medicine is for people who have been diagnosed as having cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and depression.
Is holistic medicine safe to use?
Holistic Medicine is not as dangerous as you may think, but several risks are involved when using this treatment. Side effects most commonly include headaches and nausea. Patients must understand these risks and weigh them against the benefits of alternative treatments such as acupuncture.
There are no cases of death from holistic medicine.
Always consult your doctor before beginning any new treatment plan.
Complementary and Alternative Healthcare – Is it Evidence-based
Although the evidence base for alternative and complementary medicine is still in flux, there are many reasons people choose them. You might have tried traditional treatments and found them ineffective. Or you may be looking for an alternative treatment because it has more benefits than conventional care. Alternately, they may look into complementary and alternative medicine as part of a holistic approach for health. Always verify with your doctor that the scientific backing of any complementary or alternative medicines you use is supported. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you are unsure if a treatment is effective. It will save you time and money over the long-term.
Statistics
- According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people use herbal medicine worldwide. (webmd.com)
- The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)
- In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
- A 15-year systematic review published in 2022 on the global acceptance and use of CAM among medical specialists found the overall acceptance of CAM at 52% and the overall use at 45%. (en.wikipedia.org)
- category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
External Links
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- BIOFEEDBACK TRAINING AND TENSION-TYPE HEADACHE – PubMed
- PubMed: Randomized controlled trial examining the effects of foot reflexology on hospital anxiety and depression in female older adults.
doi.org
liebertpub.com
- Games for Health Journal – Mary Ann Liebert, Inc., publishers
- The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine: Systematic Review of Randomized Controlled Trials on Acupuncture to Treat Insomnia
cam.cancer.gov
How To
What should you look for in a holistic doctor?
How can you find a qualified doctor who is skilled in holistic medicine?
Only those who are experts in their field can be the best doctors. We are referring to holistic medicine in this instance. This means doctors need to be able treat patients holistically. They must also know how to treat each patient as an individual and not just their symptoms. You should be able to explain your holistic health to them and why you would like to see a holistic physician.
Doctors should not only be knowledgeable about holistic health but also have an understanding of alternative and complementary therapies (CAM), such acupuncture and chiropractic care as well as yoga and massage therapy.
Holistic health practitioners will also be able, in most cases, to diagnose and discuss your condition.
Ask if your doctor is certified by professional organizations such as the American Holistic Medical Association or the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork. NBOHMCA is a certification body that offers certifications in many areas of medicine, including naturopathic and acupuncture as well homeopathy, clinical nutrition, herbs, and aromatherapy.
You can search our directory for holistic practitioners in your local area. If one is not listed, you can search online to find a holistic doctor close by.
Contact your local hospital or medical center to confirm whether they offer holistic healthcare.
Your local library has books and resources that can help you with holistic health.
