Why Memoir Writing Can Be Medicine & Some New Year’s Journal Prompts To Help You Reflect

My current partner was a close friend of mine for over two and a quarter years before he felt comfortable enough to share the truth under his polished, accomplished “I’ve got everything going on” image. While I was on vacation in Hawaii, he texted me his trauma story via text. He was stringing plumeria flowers into lei in preparation for a retreat he was teaching. He wrote his story one paragraph at time, telling the tragic tale of his youth. This was all a surprise for me. I knew him for many years. It turned out that there was a lot of hidden pain I didn’t know about.

After realizing what was happening, and taking in the gravity of the loss to the man I loved, he texted me to let him know that he would be willing to talk to me on Zoom or the phone. It was easier for a writer to write about something as vulnerable than to tell me face-to–face or over the phone. That was something I fully understood as a writer.

He wrote me a private memoir. I was able to string leis all day while he sat in silence. His description of the brutality was so heartbreaking that I wept as I sat in the garden, holding sacred space. Feeling so moved by his story and so sad for him, my eyes welled up. He said he’d never written his own story before and that he hadn’t had anyone hold it so tenderly. It felt like it had meaning and was worthy of being wrapped in silk and held close to his heart. I told him that his story was precious to me and that it was an amazing privilege to be the holder of his tale, the one he trusted enough for the story to be seen.

His story was so intimate, so honest, so full-of-pain and suffering that it felt like you were afraid to breathe. It was written in the best of memoirs like Eat, Pray and Love or Wild or Untamed. The protagonist makes themselves the hero, victim, survivor and perpetrator as well as the bearer of shadowy traits, fool, and the perpetrator.

Because of the pressure men feel to hide their emotions, keep them from being vulnerable, to put on a brave, stoic and equanimous face, and to tend to women’s emotions rather than expect women to, he was afraid to tell me his story. He was afraid that I would judge him or look down on him.

However, I felt the exact opposite. Because of his vulnerability and courage, as well as his resilience, I believed he was beautiful, brave, and strong. It is amazing to think that he was born from the same parents who gave him his life and made him the man he is today. His vulnerability did not make me want to reject him as he feared. Because I had shared some of my vulnerability with him for a while, it made me trust him more. It also made us feel closer. I was moved by his story when he wrote it to me. It was the turning point in our relationship. Since then, we have lived part-time together in California and Boston.

Memoir As Medicine author Nancy Aronie and I are collaborating to offer a Memoir As Medicine online writing course that lasts six weeks. You, dear friends, are welcome. You can register by January 18 to save $100, and receive all sorts of delicious bonuses if you register before January 8.

SIGN-UP TO MEMOIR AS MEDICINE

Happy New Years!

I am happy to let you know that Nancy and I will be teaching the writing class. I also wanted you to know that I was wishing you a prosperous 2023 after a difficult few years.

Over the past six months I have been reflecting on my priorities and you might have noticed that I have been putting less emphasis on blogging and social media. Partly, this is because I don’t feel the public health obligation to keep you all updated about the pandemic as urgently as I did in 2020. Partly, I have been trying to reduce other priorities in order to move Heal At Last’s non-profit work up the priority ladder.

It’s also because I am one year into a relationship with the man who shared his vulnerable story. The traumas that shaped that story have made it difficult for us to do a lot of healing together. We have a lot in common as he is an author and a doctor in the mind-body/spirit space. There are some shared growth edges, such as how to recognize what we need, dare ask for it, give power away rather than dominating, negotiate healthy boundaries and stand up for ourselves, each other, and protect ourselves without getting into power struggles.

My nine-year relationship with my husband ended abruptly, leaving me, my daughter and our dog. I also have a lot of trauma to my partner and my own relational trauma issues. Navigating intimacy has been a difficult task since I’ve been mostly alone for the past nine years. There are three IFS therapists, one for each of us and one for the couple. We’re also seeing Rachel Bernstein, a trauma therapist and expert in cult recovery, from Indoctrination podcast for help with recovery from narcissistic abusive.

We are aware of how much privilege we have in order to afford all the expert support. However, we also feel guilty about the many others who have trauma burdens and long for healthy relationships but lack the resources and access to this type of support. We know it’s unfair, and we both work hard to make that right.

It turns out that it is a huge lift to do this type of personal, spiritual and intimate trauma healing, attachment wounding repair, together as a couple. It’s beautiful, tender, and heart-opening. Sometimes Everest can feel like climbing Mt.

One year ago, when we began to get closer, it felt like we were in Kathmandu looking at the unimaginable peak of a huge mountain. I thought, “Um…that’s big mountain.” It’s going to be necessary to exercise every day and stay in shape. There will be a lot of equipment. We will need a sherpa, a trainer, and some oxygen tanks. My boyfriend said, “Ah! That’s just a little hill. No worries. No worries.

I thought, “Uh-I think we might get frostbite.” We might lose a limb. We might die. We may not be able to reach the summit .”

He said, “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It will be fine. We’ll be fine. Just hold my hand and let’s go for a stroll .”

It was a moment of refreshing joy when we found ourselves at the base of the mountain, taking three steps towards the summit. Then we realized that we had taken three steps up the mountain. We then started pushing each other down. It took us six months before we reached base camp. After a month of acclimatizing to the altitude, we began our climb again. We separated after ten weeks, but we soon realized that we were still pushing eachother down the mountain.

Now, we’re trying to establish a genuine intimate relationship with our home bases located 3000 miles away. I’m also trying my best to manage raising a high school junior who was affected by the pandemic. This has made me realize how far I have come from my medical career, where relationships were second to my job. People expected little from me in relation to them. It was an irreplaceable loss, and my ability to trust, intimacy, safety, or connect was severely diminished. Although my loved ones were kind and generous, the cost was too great. When my writing career began to flourish, I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake again. Opportunities started to come my way that could take me away from my family. It is a proud moment for me to have sorted my priorities better in this job than when I was a physician.

One year and a quarter away from an empty nest, I am beginning to feel the pain of motherhood. You raise a beautiful child who will eventually leave you and start their own independent, sovereign lives. If you are able to do your job well as a mother, that is a good sign. It will soon come and I can feel the emotions underneath the words. Until then, I cherish every moment with my daughter at home.

I also have two books manuscripts that I haven’t published yet. One is about IFS-informed boundaries, and the other about spirituality without spiritual bypassing. Needless to say that blogging and social media have fallen way down on my priority list over the last few months. However, I will be back on the air to connect with you all.

I am curious about how the new year unfolds for you. What are you learning? What have your priorities changed since the pandemic? What is your relationship like in this time of change? Are you doing OK?

Rebecca Ching, my cousin and IFS therapist. IFS was introduced to me by my cousin Rebecca Ching. She posted some New Year’s inquiries to her newsletter that I thought were great creative journal prompts and conversation starters.

What did you do?
What didn’t work?
How did you celebrate?
Which commitments have I fulfilled and which did not?
Which memory was your favorite?
How do I talk and treat myself?
What is the best way to eat well, move well and hydrate well?
What was my word of year? And where did it lead me?
What would you say to yourself at the start of 2022, knowing what I know now?
What was it that surprised you?
With whom were my most valued and supportive relationships?
Which of my mistakes still stings? What are the best places to grieve?
What were the changes and transitions I experienced this year?
What brought you joy and energy?
Why did I fear or drain myself?
Who or what did I leave behind?
Which were the most useful supports, tools, and resources?
How can I show gratitude for what?
To what will I say yes in 2023?
What will I say no too in 2023?
What is your word for the year?
Where and who do I contact for help to fulfill my commitments and keep my focus and boundaries in check?
What can I do to challenge the way things are done?

Happy New Years to all!

Lissa Rankin first published the post Why Memoir Writing can be Medicine & Some New Years Journal Prompts to Help You Reflect.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are alternative medicine examples?

Alternative medicine refers only to alternative treatments that are not considered to be effective in treating diseases. These include traditional Chinese medicine and homeopathy, chiropractic, acupuncture and herbal medicines, nutritional therapy, energy healing techniques, such as Reiki, and acupuncture.

Alternative medicine may also include practices that are not supported by scientific evidence but have been used with great success in clinical practice. Examples include meditation, hypnosis, yoga, aromatherapy, reflexology, flower essences, and many others.

Is holistic healing legitimate?

Yes, and no. Yes. Numerous medicines have been found to be effective in treating various diseases. They won’t cure everyone. It depends on what you mean by “holistic.” If holistic means taking into account all aspects a person’s well-being, then yes. However, if it simply means that natural remedies are preferred to chemical ones, then no.

Some people claim that holistic medicine has been around since ancient times. However, this is simply false. Although there were some natural remedies used by healers in ancient Egypt or Rome, these practitioners did not have scientific knowledge.

It was not until the Middle Ages when medical practitioners began to study anatomy & physiology. This led directly to the development surgery, obstetrics, pharmacology, and a host of other medical specialties. Most Western countries have developed public hospitals, where doctors can provide medical care, by the end of the 19th-century.

Conventional medicine is still the most popular form of healthcare today. Many people still prefer alternative and complementary medicine. Many people find that alternative medicine works better than pharmaceutical drugs.

For instance, massage therapy can make people feel more at ease than tranquilizers. Others enjoy eating healthy foods instead of taking prescription medications. Some people find that exercising regularly is beneficial for their bodies.

Is holistic medical care the same as alternative medicines?

Holistic Health Care is different from Alternative Medicine in that it treats the whole person and not the symptoms.

Holistic Health Care examines all aspects a person’s health including the mental, emotional, spiritual and occupational factors as well as family factors.

Alternative Medicine doesn’t address these problems. It does not address the mind, body, or emotions.

How safe can holistic medicine be?

Holistic remedies are safe, as they are not dangerous drugs, but natural remedies for people who have used them for centuries.

Many illnesses have been treated with them, including arthritis, chronic pain and asthma, high blood pressure, diabetes (heart disease), obesity, depression anxiety, stress, insomnia, infertility, and sexual dysfunction.

Millions of people across the globe who are suffering from different diseases use holistic medicines. They include homeopathy. It also includes chiropractic care. Herbal treatments. Massage therapy. Yoga. Meditation. Hypnosis. Nutrition. Counseling. Exercise. These therapies address the whole person, not just the symptoms.

What Is Alternative Medicine?

It’s a method of healing that focuses more on prevention than treatment. It also encourages people to become informed consumers actively engaged in improving their health and well-being.

Alternative medicine refers any treatment or diagnosis that does not use allopathic (conventional), medical practices.

Statistics

category.[111]Edzard Ernst characterized the evidence for many alternative techniques as weak, nonexistent, or negative and in 2011, published his estimate that about 7.4% were based on “sound evidence.” However, he believes that may be an overestimate. (en.wikipedia.org)
According to a 2005 book by a US [116]Institute of Medicine panel, the number of RCTs focused on CAM has risen dramatically. (en.wikipedia.org)
In the 17% in which they disagreed, a third reader agreed with one of the initial readers to set a rating. (en.wikipedia.org)
The use of alternative medicine in the US has increased, with a 50 percent increase in expenditures and a 25 percent increase in the use of alternative therapies between 1990 and 1997 in America. (en.wikipedia.org)
These studies found that 38.4% concluded positive or possibly positive effects for CAM (12.4%), 4.8% concluded no effect, 0.7% concluded harmful effects, and 56.6% concluded insufficient evidence. (en.wikipedia.org)

External Links

How To

How to Deal with My Girlfriend Who Trusts Alternative Medicine

Internet advice is available for those who are dealing with someone suffering from mental illness. There is not much information available to assist those who believe in alternative medicine.

There seems to be a wide divide between these two groups. There are two types of people: those who doubt conventional medicine and those who are open to its benefits.

What happens when you come across someone who believes in alternative treatments for mental health issues?

Because you don’t know where to start, you may feel confused and frustrated. You might feel confused and frustrated if your partner tells you that he’d rather see an acupuncturist than his physician. Or when she says she’d rather eat gluten free than take antidepressants.

It’s important to ask questions. It’s important to ask them early. This will save you many heartaches later.

However, how can you ask such difficult questions without offending him What if the man says he doesn’t trust doctors. What if he says he doesn’t trust doctors?

Or what if she says that she thinks that antidepressants aren’t working? Should you tell her that she’s wrong?

This is where the conversation gets tricky. She may be even more offended if it is pointed out that she is wrong.

You could also suggest she see a psychiatrist. This may create more problems than it solves. You may get mad at her for suggesting this. She might think you are trying to control her mind.

So what should you do?

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